The Great Dilemma...How?

There is this pseudo belief that if I work hard, acknowledge God, or a god, love my family, and enjoy life, I'll see God in the end. And we believe this, in our hearts.

But, Jeremiah tells us that the heart is deceitful above all things; who can understand it.

So what do we do with this?  These are very stark words.  There is not much twisting or manipulating we can do to rearrange these words to our liking.  The heart is deceitful.  Above all things, our hearts are deceitful.  My heart is deceitful.  

Even Gandolf's heart was deceitful.  Think about when he told Frodo that he would not accept the ring of power from Frodo.  He told Frodo that he couldn't take the ring.  He just couldn't.  That even if he wanted to do good with this ring, it was so wicked, that he would inevitably yield bad from it.  

That's our heart!  It's very core is wicked. And we didn't become wicked.  Nothing we did, or can do will ever make us "more wicked".  Sure, we can fuel the wicked with lust, deceit, lies, anger, self, and.....well....more self.  

But we didn't choose this wickedness.  We were born this way.  Separated from God; born into death.  

The reality of this truth is so bleak.  

So what do we do??  How do we reverse the irreversible?  How do we undo our fate?

We don't do anything.  We can't do anything.  We are helpless.  

How does a drowning person save himself?  How does a drowning person overcome by the water rise above the occasion.  Peril is absolute.    Death is certain. 

Someone, a savior, must step in.  Someone must come to the rescue.  

A savior of a drowning person doesn't stand and the shore and coax the drowning person to safety.  A savior jumps into the water, into the thick of it all, and puts their life on the line, for the sake of another.

Think of a fireman.  Some of the bravest servants around us are firemen. 

How many times have you passed a burning building and seen the firemen holding megaphones and coaching the people to safety?  

Does a fireman yell to a person in distress and say, "if you do this better, and do that better, then you find your way out?"

No!!  Of course not.  A fireman put his life on the line for another.  He bravely goes into certain death to retrieve a life from certain death.

Sound familiar??  

Just as Jesus Christ found us in certain death, he himself walked into certain death to save the life of another.  There is no bettering of one self.   There is no pursuit of a happier life. 

Christ said in John 14:6, "I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father, but through me."

How do we go through Christ then?  Just believe in him?  Doesn't Satan and the demons believe in him?  And more so, haven't they even seen him, and know the truth.

So how do we go to the Father, "through him"?

We must follow him.  

Christ had one stipulation.  

In Luke 9:23 Jesus said, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me." 

 

That single emoji describes my entire existence in response to the words of Christ in Luke 9:23.

My selfish ways?  What are my selfish ways? 

While I would like to now create a list, it is just easier to sum up Selfish Ways in one word...everything.

Everything. 

If my fate is death and the desire of my heart is deceit, then all of my ways are selfish.  My family, my house, my job, my life, my friends, my circle, my feelings, my....

The common denominator is "my".

And so give it all to him.  Don't take give it just to take it back.  Give it to him.  The fun, the hate, the life, the lies, the loyalty, the lust, the giving, the self.  Give it all to him.  Turn from it all.  Repent of it.  Turn around, and walk away.  Follow him, and take up your cross on which you will certainly die daily.  

This is the meaning of "through him".  This is how we go to God 'through' Christ Jesus.  

Only when we go through Christ Jesus, are we no longer ourselves, but we are Christ through us.  It is no longer us, but him in us. 

The old self must die.  

Put to death all that you are.  Turn from it and follow him.  It's that easy and it's so hard.  It's hard to believe in a life beyond myself.  But it does exists.  He promises it does.  We only must give up and follow.  

Paul nails it when he says...

"Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved! For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

Ephesians 2:1-10

Paws For a Moment

Today I had the honor of reading a story by a young author, seriously young author, only in 8th grade! But the words I read were by no means the typical 8th grade words...

Please read the winning 8th grade entry for the Bartow County School System in the Young Georgia Authors Writing Competition.

Paws For a Moment 

By: McKenna Trapheagen 

It was a quiet evening as I walked into my room with my dog Bailey at my side.  She perched herself on the frame of my bed, wagging her little Corgi tail and begging for me to plop her on the covers.  She stared up at me, patiently waiting for me to jump into bed.   I switched off the lights, and climbed under the blankets as she settled into her usual spot. The faint pitter-patter of rain hit the window and her gentle, steady breathing started putting me to sleep.  As I lay there, I started a conversation with God.  I wondered if he would signal that he was listening.  Through the darkness I saw a comforting glow in my companion’s eyes.  There it was. There was God offering me a sign of his presence.

My mind drifted as I considered what this message was.  Bailey appeared to smile in the way that knowing dogs do.  The light shone on her furry face so softly that the moment seemed suspended, almost like God was saying, “Listen.”  A thought began to form in my mind of how amazing this little dog’s love is for me.  She is always there to greet me.  She never seems to judge me.  She can sense when I need her.  And she just keeps smiling, a little bend in the corners of her mouth that says “I’m happy.  You should be too.”  This is, in a larger sense, how it is with God.

Unburdened by the expectations of the world, Bailey seems to live in the moment. She leads a simple life, seeking only the occasional pat on the head, game of fetch, and a treat.  As I stare back at her, I realize that my own life should follow this example.  I often pursue many goals with a need for reward and the finer things.  Yet there was more here, Bailey not only sought happiness, but also inspired it within me.  It was in this thought that I made the connection between my dog’s view of the world and the one that God would have me seek.  

From here my silent conversation turned toward the past.  I have had many dogs in my life and each has brought me their own unique brand of love.  But one thing remained the same: I was never alone.  These creatures looked upon me with such unconditional affection.  In my thoughts this evening, I’d come to realize that God’s love accompanied me in the same way as my canine companions.  It would never leave me.  It would never turn away from me.  It would never end, even in passing. 

As the time ticked forward, Bailey’s eyes drew heavy with sleep beginning to overtake both of us.  We were content, both aware that my conversation with God was coming to an end.  She cuddled up closer to me and shut her eyes.  I was thankful for her unspoken wisdom.  My ears could not hear it, but my heart understood it perfectly.  No longer resisting sleep, I gave God the last word, and he whispered, “You are loved.”

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. "-Romans 8:38

change in plans...

This morning Jon and I woke up and our plans we had for the day were instantly changed. We had plans of doing our normal routine of workout together and then coming home, making breakfast for the savages that have bottomless pits and then I would head into church with those savages and he would head into work.

Well, he wakes up to a message from his manager telling him he needed to be in at work early and as I roll over to get up I hear the sound of a horsy, barky cough from our little red head. He's feverish and complains of a sore throat. Thus, our morning plans are instantly changed.

I love "living on the edge" with no set plan and can typically go with the flow of the ever changing events of life... But, I really like my mornings with my man. Our workout time together is more than just a workout, it is like a daily "date-night" together but in the morning. ;)

This morning's instant change in plans allowed Jon and I to just sit and have coffee together. To just sit and "be still." 
I did not know how much we needed this until it happened. I did not know that God was parenting us in the way he does and giving Jon and I a "time-out."

As parents we do this to our children. We give them a time out for misbehaving, or for being a little too full of themselves, or to simply say: "listen child, I don't know what's going on with you but you just need to sit here and just calm down." We do this because we know them better than they know themselves, and know they need a moment of quiet, of non-movement... a moment to sit their butts down and "be still."

Oh our Father certainly had His way with us this morning. He said, "listen up you two, if you can't be still for just a moment and listen to what I have to say then I'm going to make you!" And so He did. He made a change in "our" plans so that we could listen up to "His."

How too often we do this. We lose sight of His will for us as we get so consumed with our will for ourselves. We take our focus off of our Savior and think to ourselves... "Dang, I am pretty good, look at what I can do." We get lost in in the depths of self and to be honest, that is a scary place to be.

As Jon and I sat still drinking our coffee we were hit smack in the face with our loss of vision. That we were once again becoming blind and lost in the mist of our life... We asked each other, "when was the last time we had a heart to heart with God, handing over our lives to Him?"
Sure we pray, and pray daily.... But it had become the standard "morning prayer with the kids before school, dinner time prayer, and night time prayer with the kids before going to bed." And sure we may have prayed for others in their times of need BUT for the Love... We both had not in a good while, prayed with ourFather, pouring our heart out to Him. And it's embarrassing to admit... but it's the truth.

Thank you Father, my most precious loving and patient God. Thank you for giving me (us) a time-out this morning. Thank you for making us "be still". Thank you for opening our eyes and hearts to see our lives as they once again were so full of ourselves! Help me to lay it aside for your will and not my own. Help me to not get so busy that I push aside my time with you. You are ALWAYS there, but I am not. I leave you waiting... like a husband waits for his wife while she changes outfits over and over to go out on a date, you wait as I change my mind 1000 times trying to do life on my own... But YOU WAIT. Thank you for not giving up on me, for not leaving, but for waiting and allowing me to once again to fail, but be forgiven. Help me to love like you love and keep my eyes from falling away from you once again. 

Amen

"In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice;In the morning I will prepare a prayer and a sacrifice for You and watch and wait for You to speak to my heart." - Psalm 5:3 

the varsity

On our way down to the Fox Theatre the other day, we treated the entire family to an Atlanta classic, The Varsity.

None of our children had ever been to the original Varsity and thought it was really peculiar that we would pull up to the curb, and have people serve us through the car windows. 
It was quite an interesting experience.
As we pulled up to the curb, we quickly found a group of Varsity employees huddled up, waiting for the next customer.  

An older employee , 84yrs old to be exact, walked up to our car to introduce himself.
His name was Frank and he quickly announced that he had proudly worked for the Varsity for the past 60 years!!

60 years?!?!  I can't even imagine being alive for 60 years much less working for 60 years, much less working at one place for 60 years, much less working at the Varsity for 60 years.  
As we ordered our food, I thought and thought on this matter.  How can he...?  How could he...?  What motivates a man to....?

I don't ever want to turn up the opportunity to teach the kids about work ethic.  I began working for pay when I was 10yrs old and for an hourly wage at 11yrs old.  Work ethic is very important to me and I want to instill this same value into my children.  
And so when Frank came back to the car with our food, I asked him,
"Frank, after 60 yrs of continued service in the same job, at the same business, what advice can you give my five children (motioning to the van full of wide eyed kids) about how you do it?"  "In one sentence, what can you tell them?" I asked. 

I was already prepared to hear things like, "live your dreams", "when the going gets tough", and  "do what you love".  
But Frank, he had something different for us.  

As we looked at Frank, and he smiled at us, he told the kids, "Praise the Lord."

"When you get up, think on Him.  When you go to bed, think of Him.  Above all, Praise Him."

What a message for the masses.  What a message for myself.  As I work today and we head into 2016, I must remember to 'Praise the Lord', because Frank said so.  What great advice is that?  What a deep truth rooted in the simplest of understanding.  Praise the Lord, for he is good. 

Psalm 146:1-2 Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!Praise the Lord, O my soul! While I live I will praise the Lord;I will sing praises to my God as long as I live. 

the first question...

Last night the big boys in our house were answering questions about their life and their relationship with God for an upcoming missions trip to Texas.

In preparation for the trip the kids need to examine their own lives and write about what the Lord is doing in their life as well as write a short testimony on when their relationship with Jesus began.

These are deep questions for anyone and especially deep for teen boys who don't like to talk about "personal feelings" all that much.

I have totally loved this questionnaire for the missions trip.... 

1. It really gets the boys thinking and praying. 

2. I don't have to fill it out. 

Win-Win on the parent front! 

As they were going through the questions, the very first deep question threw one of our China loves into a deep deep thought... He started biting at his lips, scratching his head, fidgeting in his chair... and before he wrote anything he looked up at me and said, "mom, who is going to read this? Is our youth pastor going to?"

I answered him the best I could and told him I am sure several people from the church staff are going to go over these and yes, I am sure your youth pastor is as well.

He blurted out, "oh man, really!? It's kinda embarrassing." 

I then told him as seriously as I could, "oh yes, then they read it in front of church so the whole church can decide if you should go on the mission trip." 

As he picked up on my sarcasm he said, "oh come on mom, be "really"!" 

(I love his ESOL version of "be serious.")

As the evening went on and an hour or so past, this same son came up to my room and asked me to read what he wrote.

As I read, the memories of our first several months together as mother and son rushed to my heart and mind. There were memories of pain and heartache, and memories of hurt and deep sadness that overwhelmed me. And then came memories of joy and hope and restoration. The healing of a young life that had taken place over the last two years flooded my eyes with tears. 

I looked up at this sweet face and dark eyes peering at me, seeking approval over his English he had so beautifully written. He was not wanting approval over what he wrote but over the grammar and spelling in which he wrote it. 

I could not help but burst into smiles and happy tears. (He is just sort of looking at me like I'm a crazy person... yep that's normal!)

He then connected with what I was so wrecked over and just walked over and gave me a sheepish hug and said; "thanks mom."

This boy, his heart, Our God!!! 

Thank you Jesus for how you Heal lives and transform broken pieces into beautiful works of art. 

*these are my son's own words in his own handwriting in his beautful language that poured from his heart.**

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father. “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you."- John 15:5-12

**All was shared with our sweet son's permission.**

the fireman...

"Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude."-1 Peter 3:8

9/11 has come and passed as we remember, and #neverforget, the day that struck our nation to the core. All of us know the time and place of where we were and that will forever be burned in our hearts as we, who were the watchers, stood and stared at a screen, watching in real time an event in history that change our Country and each of us as individuals. 



(Photo credits of Google search 9/11)



Yesterday a group of individuals climbed 110 flights of stairs in memory of the fallen firefighters who climbed UP as others were climbing down. They knew their fate, yet they still kept going. Survivors tell stories of these heroes... The heroes who were encouraging the ones climbing down, those who were just wanting to give up and stop going down, those Heroes would say, "come on, you got it, you can do it, keep going down!" Yet all the while, they were climbing up.

(Photo credits of Google search 9/11)

I cannot even pretend to imagine what that must of been like. I can try to "put myself in their shoes", but really that's not even possible. I simply cannot fathom the horrific scenes or the intense amount of bravery of those Firemen. 

Last night Jon and I were talking about these amazing individuals that are so willing to put their lives before others on a constant daily basis. Each day they go into work they don't know what lies ahead. What possibly might be asked of their lives that day. This goes for all who serve our country, and for that my small "thank you" just simply does not sound like enough gratitude to give. How do you truly say thank you to these heroes? 

(Photo credits: Joey Waddell- Dekalb Fire Department)

My mind drifted as we were talking. To be honest it often does. I have a tendency to lose track of a conversation in about 2 mins... It's not intentional, really! As I wondered away in thought the first thing that popped into my head was "fire insurance". (Yep, that's the truth.) But not in the sense of homeowners insurance, but in the sense of "hell fire and brim stone preachers".

You know those guys all hollering red faced, always looking angry at you. Calling people sinners and waving a bible that they never seem to open but "quote" from all the time... Yeah, so my mind went there. Random, right?!

Well, kinda random.... I have heard so MANY analogies of Christ, Jesus Christ. Being the life saver, being the parachute, etc. you need to be saved so you can have, "fire insurance". 

As I understand these analogies and get their point, I think they're stupid. I just do. But when I think of a fireman and Jesus... Now that's an analogy that's legit. 

Thinking of myself in my darkest of times and lost in the smoke of my existence....Lost in the burning building called my life and desperately wanting to get out but I don't know how. It is so dark, and every single time I try to stand up on my own to figure it out I choke and gasp for air. Every door I try to open burns my hands, every stair well I try to go down is engulfed in flames and I am trapped, stuck in my own self. There I am lost, alone, and scared; I fall to my face... but then, it is only then do I see a light amongst all the shadows. Having nothing left of myself to even reach out to the light coming my way, a hand reaches out to me. I am completely helpless as I surrender my life over to the one reaching for me. There I am, being lifted up by the strength of the rescuer. With a force he searched for me and found me. He has climbed from heaven to earth to save me from the torments of my soul. He pushes through the raging fire and burst forth into the light of day and in an instant I take my first breath. A breath of life and new air. As I turn to thank my fireman, my hero who gave me life, I found a sight my eyes did not expect to see. As he was saving me, his life was not spared. Bringing me to safety he was severely burned, his lungs had filled with strong thick smoke, his body was scarred and lifeless. He gave it all just for me. 

To me, that is the depiction of Christ and his pursuit after me. The only way I could acknowledge my savior's search for me was when I was face to the ground fully surrendered to His saving grace. He died so that I could live and He did this not just for me.

"Of one thing is certain, God story never ends in ashes."- Elizabeth Elliot 

 

exposing the tiara

When I was 12 years old my sister was 18 and in her senior year of high school. I always looked up to her, though she never knew it. I was pretty much a bratty little sister. I don't really know why, but I was. Anytime she would have her friends over I would try to be involved with the "big cool" kids too.
In her senior year, she won her High School's pageant. It was an all out Miss America kinda deal. She had a talent, she had the style, she had the beauty.... I wanted to be like her.

I was quirky, awkward, and freckle faced with glasses. I had to have all my school work printed out on blue paper. Not even kidding about this, BLUE PAPER!! Why!?!?
I had a terrible time with reading, I was tested with all kinds of test and found to be dyslexic and have " Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome ".... Basically it's a perceptual processing disorder. It is not an optical problem. It is a problem with the brain’s ability to process visual information.  Sounds FUN right!?!? Ugh!

From third grade on, I had tinted glasses (which I refused to wear most days) and all my worksheets on blue paper. FREAK of Nature is all I thought. Why is it so difficult to read, and why, to make it easier for me to read, do I have to have things on a different colored paper? What "joyful" school experiences I had. I despised school and pretty much everything it entailed.
All but art class and PE. Loved those classes. PE was fun and it was a class I could excel at. I could do pull ups and run fairly fast, except for having to learn to square dance, PE rocked! Art was fun, you could be messy and not "have to" stay in the lines. I truly never liked coloring... maybe that's because of my "perceptual processing disorder", the world may never know! ;)

So, having an older sister who appeared pure perfection in my eyes (again with the perceptual disorder, sorry sis, I love you). I wanted to be just like her. When she won this pageant she was adorned with a shiny, sparkly tiara, a sash, and a three foot trophy! My friends and I squealed and cheered as they announced her the winner. In fact that's all you can hear on the VHS tape video of the whole ordeal!

What do little sisters do when the big sister is out of the house? We go play with their stuff! "That's what's up!"

I would always sneak into her room, put on the tiara and sash and pretend I won! I did not have the big-beautiful Julia Roberts hair like my sister, so the tiara did not look quite as fitting on my nice, short, bowl cut hair style I was rockin'... But for that moment, I was a princess with a real shiny tiara and sash! "BAM"

Growing up and going through middle school and high school I was struck with depression. I found it hard to cope with changes in my life. Moving around did not help, dad being gone for business all the time did not help, but they were not the culprit. They were sort of like adding baking soda to the vinegar that was already there. Just made things explode and bubble up from beneath.
I also did not express myself well... As a parent when my kiddos were smaller I would say so sweetly to them, "use your words", to try to encourage them to express themselves. My kids usually used fists, or spit, or throw an object to express themselves. So trying to teach them to "use their words" seemed  like a reasonable request.
I obviously struggled with this same issue. I would either just keep quite or explode with an out pouring of emotions.... Anger, sadness, fear, or whatever just happened to be going on. I always had tears attached with this out pouring of expression. (I am sure my mother would use some other types of adjective for these occasions, but these will do just fine)

My parents, bless them, dealt with me the best they knew how to do. They prayed, they sent me to get help at many places and by many people. They did what parents do and try to help their children, to try to fix their boo-boos. And my boo-boo was a deep rooted depression that I could not shake no matter what type of meds, therapy, or method.

My idea and way to cope was self medicating with what the world had to offer, so that was the route I took. The journey down this road just lead down a deeper and darker path with twist and turns I would love to forget. But the beauty of not forgetting is remembering. Remembering of who I once was and seeing now who I am and have become.

The beginning of the turning point was October and November of 1998. I had moved in with my sister, her husband, and their little girl. This took me from S. Florida and brought me to Georgia.

I think my sister thought of her house as some sort of sanctuary of healing. She literally had placed bible verses all over the mirror in the bathroom, put a sign on the door of the room I was staying in, saying something like, "room of hope". She had an entire month of activities planned for us, "aka" bible study. Not just any Bible study but a study called, "Victory over the Darkness".  Yay, fun, bible study! (insert loads of sarcastic undertone)

What in the world had I just gotten myself into!?

To be honest, I don't remember much of anything of that study. I don't remember what was written in the book, but I do remember my sister. I remember her sitting with me and talking with me. She shared scripture with me and prayed for me.

There was one night where things, stories, that I had heard all growing up started to be comprehended. The story of Jesus and who he was... Who He actually is started to become more clear. I can't say it was a total "ah-ha" moment of my life because there was so much about God and the Bible that still never made sense. But it was a moment where I let down my guard and allowed a stone to be chipped away from the wall I had built up deep inside. And at that moment a spark ignited and a piece of me surrendered as the Holy Spirit took hold of me.

This night my sister had literally been on her knees praying for me. She was on her knees by my bed as I was laying face down trying to ignore the prayers from her mouth. In some random act to shut her up I took out my belly button ring and threw it at her. (Because apparently that's what you do to shut someone up who is praying...I have no idea what I was thinking) There was also a possible throwing of a tongue ring involved at some point but my memory is vague on this.

This was all taking place around Thanksgiving...We had traveled to visit with my grandparents in Myrtle Beach, SC.
After visiting a while, my sister stood up in the living room and started to give a little speech. In this speech she talked about me. I of course at this point, having no idea what was going on, was feeling the warmth of flushedness come across my face. Keeping it real, the last time something like this occurred my sister, mom, and a few others where having an "intervention" with me, no joke that really happened and it was not the highlight of my life.
As she continued on and concluded her words... she pulled from behind her a tiara and a sash.

A TIARA AND A SASH!!!!!

She had prepared a ceremony for me in-which she crowed me a Child of God and placed the sash over me that read, "Child of God '98"! My brother in law took me by the arm and escorted me around the living room and all I could do was laugh and cry in an all out ugly cry kind of way. My heart and mind could not even begin to comprehend this amount of love and thoughtfulness and Amazingness and just full on compassion! My sweet sister was outpouring the love of my savior who truly rescued me from my destructive self.

This moment was amazing and words cannot aptly describe the amount emotions that were all going on here, thanksgiving of 1998.

I wish I could say that this moment was the 180 degree turning point of my life. If it were that easy I would have learned less and not have so many scars from the lessons learned. But this unique, one of a kind moment was the start of my painful journey to fully turning my life over to the one in whom I place my faith.

Everyone's life is different and everyone has their own stories to share. My story is just starting and I hope, I pray that with each piece of me chiseled
 away, there will be less of me to see and more or the Love that was shown to me on that very incredible Thanksgiving day.