helping Adam...

Last week I read about a boy named Adam. 

His pictures stole my heart. Adam, an orphan in China is waiting.

I wish adoption was easy, I wish I could say that it is all warm and fuzzy all the time and the child you adopted feels like he/she has always been your child. I wish  I could say that the child you adopt is going to love you immediately and fall into your arms the first time you meet and want to hold your hand and sing and dance and be over the moon excited about their new family.

But the truth is, it is not like that at all.

Adoption is hard... From the start you are constantly filling out paperwork and waiting for approvals and making appointments for fingerprints. Getting clearances from Fbi and your state. Waiting and waiting and then waiting some more for China to give you "PA's" and "article 5's" and "TA's"! It's long and frustrating.... and that's before you get your child... Then comes a whole other set of "adoption is hard" issues. 

BUT, and there is most certainly a BUT... It is worth it! It is worth every bit of energy you have put into getting your child home to see a smile. A smile, that may take a while, but then there it is. And it is real and it is not on a face of a stranger, it's not on the face of some child's picture 12,000 miles away.,.. It is on the face of your child. 

There is nothing in this world that can compare to it. The feeling is sareal. It is at those small moments that you know, they know and understand that they are safe, they are in a family, they are home. There is a connection that happens when they no longer see those crazy Americans that adopted them, but they see their mom and dad. And you know, they know, you are always going to be there.

Adam is waiting. He does not know what it is like to smile at his parents like that. He may never know the feeling of belonging. We have got to help! His family is out there! Please share this blog, get the word out! This boy is running out of time! He now only has 6 weeks left before he ages out at the young age of 14 years old! It is possible to get it done, an agency will work with you. 

Here is what another child who was adopted from the same group foster home speaks fondly of him as “a good brother” who “gets along well with others” and “is helpful to the ayis”. It was also observed that he tries to do the right thing and is very thoughtful and helpful. He goes above and beyond what is asked of him.

Here is a blog that shares a little more about Adam: https://asiawaitingchild.wordpress.com/2014/12/01/could-your-heart-be-open/

For more information please contact Erin Martin: erinmrtn@yahoo.com

Let's help find Adam his family! Please share this post via all social media you use!! 

thanksgiving day

Anyone who has met me knows right off that I haven't missed too many meals.  Come to think of it, I'm not sure I've ever missed any, and am certain I have had a few extra.

But we have a son in our house whose mouth will always bear the scars of having teeth rotted out from malnutrition.  Letters from his grandparents describing him going days without food also attest to the depravity.

These letters weren't written 100 year ago.  These teeth didn't rot out in a past lifetime.  This happened within the last ten years.  And not in a third world country either, but in a booming, industrial country.  This happened in China.

As our 59lbs,  thirteen year old son arrived in the US last year, we were quickly reminded that we have so much to be thankful for.  Yet, one of the things we most often forget about is being thankful for the opportunity to do something about it. 

It was awesome running a 5k this morning with my love and with an incredible group of people (Shout Out to our Firman Fitness Family!!) who care so much for others, knowing that out entry fee was canned goods to help feed hungry people.  

One of my favorite authors said,

"We ask God, 'why are so many people dying of starvation?'

He has more of a right to ask us why so many people are starving."

-Francis Chan

Happy Thanksgiving.  What an opportunity to make such a difference in the life of another.  I know someone who invested everything he had in me, and I'm worthless.

Imagine if that care, love, and compassion was played out through our lives into someone else.  The results would be life changing.  

There are so many more people starving in this world.  I know because I have been with them.  From the Sioux reservations in Montana, to the caves in Luoning, China, there are still hungry people that need our help.  What are we going to do about it?  

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

-Mahatma Ghandi

snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails...

What about a boy?

Sitting here checking out FB, I scroll through and see post after post on children waiting... Children waiting for a forever families. 

These are not babies, these are not children with a perfect bill of health.. Really, what child ever comes with a perfect bill of health??

Each child is born with a unique and perfectly designed special need. A special need that a uniquely perfectly designed family has been made for.

So what is that precious mixture of snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails???? 

B-O-Y-S

Did you know that at this moment there are boys (over 1200) that are just waiting for their family to find them. They are hoping that maybe "that American" that came and visited them in their orphanage in China will write up a clever post about them....And just maybe a family 12,000 miles away will see their picture taken by "this American". Maybe, just maybe, "they'll want me"...No, I am not a baby, I am not a little girl, and maybe I have a rap sheet of a medical file, but I would really love a family! 

Day by day passes and the dreaded number 14 keeps getting closer. 

I see so many posts advocating for these sweet boys. Older boys. Boys that want and need a family. 

(Boys like Joseph. video link here: http://youtu.be/_4GoJkhJWYY )

Those of you who know us, know we have a special place in a our hearts for older boys... It's not that we don't like girls, we do and we love our sweet daughter with all our hearts but Jon and I started to ask God to help us look beyond ourselves, look beyond our wants and desires and asked HIM to make our hearts like His. And when we did, our eyes were opened to a world we never knew existed.... The world of the unwanted older children. The world of the ignored child. The world of the waiting children. The world of the Chinese older boys... 

We are going to need help! We need all of your social media outlets, all of your connections, and all of your voices to reach out and make known the need for these precious older Chinese boys to be adopted! A lot more of our blog post are going to be advocating for different children that are waiting. It will be pleading to share post and just maybe if we can all become a unified voice, one by one (maybe even two by two ;) ) these children will be adopted and be found! 

We need to see an uprising of advocacy, a wave of voices educating about the need that is out there. So many people just don't know, I mean really know the insanity of the orphan crisis. Sure, they may think, "oh bless their hearts." But do they really know? 

We want to put faces and names out there in a way like never before!

Through our own personal stories we want to erase some of the fears that people have about adopting older children.... older boys. We want to be real and upfront.  Oh my goodness! there are HARD days... but isn't a child's life worth it? 

To really make a point I thought about adding a sound bite of Sarah McLachlan's "In the arms of the Angels", to really get the emotions flowing like the unwanted puppy and kitty commercials...

Do you think we could all be one voice and find these forgotten older boys some families?? If we can all jump on the band wagon and adopt an animal, can't we all open up our hearts to these children?? (And before I get hate mail about the animal comment, please know we have adopted our share of dogs and cats too!) :) 

But People Please, let's work together! Let's together help bring awareness to these older waiting boys in China!! And, you might just find a boy from China that you never knew was your son!! 

lockstep...

I was listening to David Platt today and he asked the question, "how does one know when God is calling them to do something?"

Platt went on to say that God normally doesn't roll back the clouds and with a big booming voice say, "Go there."

No, he normally doesn't use that route with us.  We think this method would be helpful but His method is so much better.  He uses the Holy Spirit to speak to us and through us.  He reveals to us in so many ways that He is "In This" and that He wants us "Here".

After hearing David Platt say this today, I have to admit some skepticism on my part.  Forgive me, but I am still learning and I would still like to bet that the rolling back the clouds method would be better for me.  

Selfishly though, the rolling back the clouds method also cuts me some slack.  If He does in fact roll back the clouds, call me by name, using even my defining middle name of Douglas, and command me to go "There" then sure, He probably wants me to obey.  

But then conveniently, if he doesn't roll back the clouds, then there must be a pretty good chance He wasn't talking to me.  I mean, come on....he didn't even say Jonathan Douglas Allen...so really, that command could have been meant for somebody else, or more probable, anybody else.

I write a lot.  And I'm not even a writer.  It is just an escape.  It's sort of a thinking out loud without the "out loud" part.  Most of my writing is fractured and segmented.  It's just bits and pieces.  

I have several hundred journal entries over the past several years where I have read scripture, read a book, or gone through an experience and wanted to make some sense of it by writing about it.

Today, precisely 484 days after it's entry, I found something I had written on May 7th, 2013.  This is the first time I have gone back and looked at this entry since I had written it on that Tuesday before Mother's Day, 2013.

Most of you know that we began adopting Gary in February of 2013 and it wasn't until Mother's Day, 2013, that we heard that Zhang Peng Xu (Willy), who was Gary's best friend, wasn't being adopted by the family that began to pursue him.  

So on Mother's Day, May 12th, 2013, we heard about Willy's situation and decided to pursue him. 

It just felt right.

....and here is why!!....

Remember what David Platt said.  The Holy Spirit is God's method of guiding and directing his servants.  

We had many confirmations on adopting Willy, but here is the proof in the pudding.

Here is the entry that I made on May 7, 2013...

"Who's supposed to be sleeping in that spare bedroom; who's supposed to be sitting in that extra back seat?

I have so much.  I am given much.  I too often mistake God's provisions through other people, to me, as being for my own comforts.  Quickly calling them necessities, I dismiss others provisions as mere status quo.

So I die tonight and I'm asked why "William's" seat remained empty or "Edgar's room was never slept in.  What do I say??? Knowing none of these names will only reveal that I didn't allow Jesus to serve THROUGH me.  What a frightening thought.  

So then is works the resolve?!?  Absolutely not!  Surrender is the key.  Give up...die...let go...

It reminds me of the phrase in a song, "life is waiting for those who lose control."

If all this finger printing for all the adoption paperwork has taught me anything, it's that it only works best when you give up fighting, and let the one who is supposed to be in control, be in control.  

Faith, as Paul saw it, was a living, flaming thing leading to surrender and obedience to the commandments of Christ.- AW Tozer"

May 7, 2013

Look at that name!!!  That beautiful name!!!  William!  There he is!

Days before we knew, He knew.  

He plans and directs.  He forms and creates.  He sets up cosmic meeting points in times such as this, and just waits in pure excitement for the day he has set aside for us to find it.  Does this not speak of His Love?  Does this not show off His passion for his servants?

He asks us to do one thing.  Surrender.  Surrender all that seems normal and obey.  

Walk in lockstep with the One who knows your every way.  He will never fail you.  He may lead you to the highest mountain, and he may lead you to certain death, but He will never fail you.  Trust in that.

Jonathan Edwards said, “Resolved, that I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.” 

That's not a bad plan. 

Oh!  And who in the world is Edgar???

God only knows....

This email, pictured below, we wrote updating the English teachers at the orphanage about where we were at in our adoption process for Gary... Check the DATE! We had NO clue at this point we would be adopting Willy!! 

And here it is.... The email we wrote in response to receiving an email about our William "Willy"... Check out the DATE! God knew all along Willy was our son!!

Spirit lead me where my faith is WITHOUT BOARDERS!!!! Wow!

More than orphans...

One of our sons was irritated the other day because we didn't go to his favorite neighborhood pool, but chose to go to his brother's favorite pool that is located in a different part of the neighborhood.  

How has it come to this?? 

How could this kid, who just last year, had never even swam in a pool, now have the ability to pick and chose what pool he wants to go to?

Taste and see that The Lord, He is good.

The kids have been wake boarding a lot lately. It has been a great sport for our kids to learn, and it turns out that they have a natural bent towards the sport.  

As I was snapping pictures the other day at Terminus Wake Park, I got a shot of one of our sons catching air off a ramp and I have not been able to shake the image since.  

Here is a child, who was once alone, depraved, who couldn't swim, went without food and clothes, and lived under a park bench in China for a short part of his life.  This very young man almost drowned one time chasing a crawfish into the water.  Almost died in a motorcycle accident.  Almost died falling through a roof.  But God had huge, HUGE, plans for this life.  He wasn't done with this life.  He wasn't done molding the clay.  So he formed, and spun, and shaped his life into what he is right now.  And the potter's wheel is still turning.  He is still being perfected.  The wheel has not stopped yet!!  Praises!

And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand.Isaiah 64:8

This present day, he is soaring off a ramp, strapped to a wake board, with the biggest smile and rush of excitement!

How can this be?  

How can a child so stuck, so alone, so without a chance, so out of time and out of luck, now be flying high at the wake park?

Galatians 3:27-4:9 tells us that once depraved, followers of Christ have now been adopted as sons.  Once we lived without hope.  We knew nothing but loneliness and desolation.  We knew life without pools and wake parks.  We knew limits, boundaries. 

Now, we know nothing short of being the sons and daughters of the king.  Our lives become limitless now as he gives according to His riches to us. Phil 4:19

All of us have been orphans.  Some are still orphans.  But God, has chosen adoption as the vehicle of his good news for us.  Adoption into His family means that no one can look at God and say, "so which ones are your kids and which ones are your adopted kids."  

No, adoption means that we were meant to be so much more than orphans.  We were meant to be so much more that adopted children.  We were meant to be the sons and daughters of God, period.

The old is passed away; all things become new.  2 Corinthians 5:17

This is adoption.  This is salvation.  This is redemption.  This is the very heart of God.  

our growing world... being wrecked

It has been an interesting last month in our little piece of the world. Our world is growing! 

Exactly one month ago we left to go on our surprise vacation, which was so full of amazingness!! Words cannot simply describe it! Best vacation EVER!! 

Vacation came to an end, and the morning after we got back home, we picked up Joe our exchange student/Host son for this school year. Joe is from China and was pretty much in awe that we have two sons from the same province he is from and they speak Chinese! 

Then just three days ago we picked up our other exchange student/Host son, Balsa, for the school year! He is from Montenegro and pretty much just fits perfectly in with our crazy crew! We love them both and are so excited to be able to open our home and hearts to these two boys!

God has done some major molding in our lives this month. He is leading and directing and sometimes we are blindly moving to the sound of His ever comforting voice. But, to be really honest, it is hard! 

When things don't make sense to those around us it can cause some pretty harsh judgement.  And it can be difficult to even answer the critical questions because saying yes to God does not always mean He gives you the answers to all the questions, He just expects you to obey!

Change in direction, change of home, change of name, change of religion, change of job, change of pace, change in relationships, change-change-change.... When God decides to, He just pretty much wrecks your world!! And that is the point... He wants to wreck "your" world to make it "His!" 

To use the title from Jen Hatmaker's book, "interrupted, when Jesus wrecks your comfortable Christianity"... Jon and I are in the midst of learning the meaning of this!! 

For us, our comfortable Christianity was great! Pretty smooth, except for the Sunday morning rush getting kids dressed, fed, and out the door and lookin cute for Sunday school.. That was our "Christian living!" We paid tithe, we did Christmas Eve, we did Easter, we made sure we were there at "church", and sometime both services! We were nailing the Christianity thing pretty good! 

About 2010, we started feeling this stab at our hearts. Thought it was heart burn, so we went gluten free! ;)

2011 Rolled in and the heart burn was still there but this time someone great threw a book our way to help with the heart burn... That book was titled "radical", and forget about heart burn, this put us into cardiac arrest! The Bible did not help this issue, Jon and I went for the medical expert Luke... Luke said in chapter 9 verse 23,

"If anyone wants to be my followers you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me."

So, there you go... Heart burn, cardiac arrest, and death!  Jesus, "wrecked our lives" and our "comfortable Christianity!"

2012 brought on new directions that caused actions, 2013 China showed up on our front door and we found our two sons... And here we are now in 2014, God pulled us up out of our comfortable church home, showing us  "church" is larger and bigger than the comforts of Sunday mornings... (There is nothing wrong with Sunday mornings... Just saying God is redirecting Jon and I, and our family) One thing is for sure, when your are serving God, it is never boring, it most certainly is never something you have ever thought of, it is only the maker and creator of life that can dream up these wild plans!  So we say, "yes" to the change and hang on for the ride.

No, we don't have all the answers or the finer details. God's got that.

You know the topic of church has been a hot topic in our house in this month of all this change. 

My dad was traveling a lot when I was growing up... He missed countless Sundays... The fact is he still does due to work.

Jon, (my husband) works almost every Sunday. There are months where he misses "church"....

But I guess that is where my question comes into play... "Is he really missing church?" "Was my father really missing countless Sundays at Church?"

These two men are two of the most servant minded, lovers of The Lord, doers of His word, and putting action to the faith they claim, men of God! They live their day to day in worship with their lives. It is Amazing to witness. So, do they miss Sundays, yes, but do they miss church, no! No, they have not missed church, they are serving The Lord in all that they do... The hands and feet are at work in the lives of these two men and lives are being transformed and disciples being made. 

"But to fully appreciate what the missional church is, we must look outside of our traditional understanding of how we do church and religion ourselves with the biblical narrative."- Rick Meigs

I love them both so much and it is incredible to see God's work in the life of these two first hand!

This month school is in full swing! We have the entire range of hormonal teens up in our house! With 6 boys and one girl (ptl),  we have smells that equate to biological war fare, sounds that are not from instruments, tears, screams, and a roaring of laughter that can be heard from outside the walls of our house.

Yes, this school year is going to be fun!! 

We are so thankful for the way God is teaching us, leading us, and showing us one day at a time how we must surrender to Him. We are loving learning about the new members of our family, and enjoying our multicultural mix that God shook up! 

Wow- what a month can bring when you say "yes"! 

Please continue to pray for our family as changes are often times hard and that does not always make sense to everyone. 

Philippians 1:21 For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better.

shot into the dark...

It's scary going into the unknown.  We just took a step in our lives that led us away from a more certain future.  It is scary.  But, it appears to be directed.

"If we desire our faith to be strengthened, we should not shrink from opportunities where our faith may be tried, and therefore, through trial, be strengthened."

-George Mueller

We went to Disney this past weekend and got to see our kids take a venture into the unknown.  Our two boys from China had never even seen a roller coaster, much less been on a roller coaster.  So what did Bethany and I do to gently and slowly introduce the concept of roller coasters into our boys lives?  We took them on Rockin' Rollercoaster!

 

If you've never been on this ride, it starts out shooting riders into a dark corridor at 60 mph and then promptly into a loop, through twists and turns, finished by a couple of corkscrews.  

To the inexperienced rider, it is intimidating to say the least.  

The only part of the ride the boys could see from the waiting line was the riders being shot into the dark....screaming....that's it!!

You don't get to see the excited, but relieved faces come out on the other side.  You only get to see the fearful expressions as they are shot into the darkness.

I couldn't help but continually laugh as I sat behind the boys, because I knew the direction of the ride, even if the boys didn't.  I knew how long the ride would last.  I have ridden this ride so I knew where the twists and turns were. I even found myself turning into some of the bends and rolls as I knew what was ahead.  But the boys had no idea. They were completely safe and protected the entire time, they just didn't know it.

Abraham was shot into the darkness as well, wasn't he?  He didn't know the outcome, did he? He barely knew the God that shot him into the unknown!  

But he obeyed and it was counted to him as righteousness.  

Sometimes, things just don't make sense.  Sometimes we are directed to build football field size boats on land or spend the rest of your life in an unknown land.  Sometimes we are directed to take the coin from the fish or be swallowed by a fish.  Whatever the direction though, it appears that the more odd, the more sense it simply doesn't make, and the more off the wall the direction, the more and more it seems that God is truly the one at the helm of the direction.  

So shooting into the dark we go.  Now, if we just had some Aerosmith music...

"Blessed is the man who doesn’t know! Abraham even moved house ‘not knowing whither’. When we really understand that God is the Originator of all that matters in life, we no longer have such cocksureness about what we are going to do. We gladly say, ‘If the Lord wills.”

-Watchman Nee, -Changed Into His Likeness

flat iron...

This past Wednesday we did a first.

As we started to head out to the pool the clouds rolled in, and it began to thunder. The kids were in complete disappointment! With pouty lips, all the kids grabbed their towels and slowly walked back into the house. 

Normally I would make this a stay home movie day, but instead, I did the unthinkable! 

"Hey guys, let's go to the mall!" 

This truly is the unthinkable because I really do not like the mall! Really, I do not like shopping of any kind and going to the mall just gets me all tense and stressed feeling!! However, trying to not think only of my sanity, the kids climbed into the car and we headed off down the highway. We live about 20 minutes away and it was raining cats and dogs so it took us a little longer. 

On our way there, I hear a low small voice say, "mom, what is the mall?" 

Oh My Goodness, this just turned a mall trip into a FIRST for our China loves!! Whooo! All of a sudden I got so excited and pumped to go to MALL...

As the siblings chimed in and started telling their brothers about the mall, I started mentally preparing for the pre-mall pep talk. 

"No crying, No whining, No begging for crap, and No moody faces"

As we park, I verbalize the game plan: We are here to buy a build-a-bear for "J" (our Filipino love who will be here July 2nd) and we will walk the mall and if you see something you like, you can use your money to buy it... within reason! 

So off we went into the double doors. We walked through every store imaginable. Small purchases were made here and there of keychains, toy planes, hand sanitizer, mall pretzels and cookies. We headed to Build-a-bear to make "J" a bear.

 As we are right in front of the entry to the store, a young man working at the "Hair Flat iron kiosk" starts chatting away with his smooth sales talk, starts brushing my hair as I am in mid walk, and he is talking about "ion-ceramic-100%-no friz-smooth and silky....." all the while some how starts flat ironing my hair... I mean the skills the man has AND for crying out loud how long is the cord on this thing?!?! I am still trying to walk away but he has a comb and flat iron going at the same time on my hair! This guy is amazing because, man!/ my hair was looking good! As I made my way actually up to the kiosk to check my hair out in the mirror, he is still talking away and I start hearing numbers at this point... Only $289.00, and before I could even say anything he had already dropped the price $100.00 and complimented me on how cute my kids were! Seriously??? This young (24 y/o) man with some kind of accent was fantastic!! Lol!  I am just sort of looking at him like, who is this and how in the world have you straighten and curled my hair and then re-straightened it in this short amount of time and yet I have not said anything and He already gave me the, "I'll tell you what I am going to do for you today ma'am.." speech and dropped the price yet another $100.00! 

So, in case you're not great at math, the price now is $89.00 for this "best in the world flat iron...

I politely cut him off as he is still giving me his sales pitch and tell him, 

"thank you for making my hair look great on this rainy day, but no thank you."

He looks around at my kids again and actually says, " are all these yours?" Used to this question as we are a pretty obvious adoption family, I said "yes they are, and actually we are headed (pointing at the build a bear) to go make a build a bear for our host child coming from the Philippines July 2nd."

The guy actually stops talking, gets a little teary... Starts telling me he and his wife are planning on adopting after they finish school. He then goes on to DROP the price of the flat iron to $69.00! 

What happens next, was completely unexpected and caught me so off guard I could not speak for the remainder of our time in front of the kiosk...

At the time the sales guy had said $69.00 (and btw, I had no intention of purchasing a flat iron, I don't use one and just simply had no interest in it) Aaron, our thirteen year old son, already had his wallet opened and handed this man $60.00 dollars cash and said, "mom, I want you to have this. Your hair looks so nice and I want to buy it for you." (Do you understand why I could not talk???) I was taken so off guard, I started sobbing! The sales guy was caught so off guard that he took Aaron's money then took out HIS OWN wallet and swiped his debit card to pay for the rest of the purchase!!! He then takes a SELFIE with me and the kids and sends it to his wife!!!

I CAN NOT make this stuff up!!!! 

I finally pull myself together and thank the man and then just hugged all over Aaron, still crying, and telling him that, that was the most selfless thing EVER!!!

Willy and Gary are misty eyed, Becca is excited to use this flat iron and JJ asked, "mom can I touch your hair?"

W-O-W!!! My kids blow my mind!! 

And it doesn't stop there....

We make it to build a bear, make the bear, name it, fluff it, give it a heart, and make the birth certificate. 

We go to pay. As I get my wallet out of my purse, an arm comes flying over my shoulder and a card is swiped in the little swipe machine! WILLY, used his own debit card and paid for the bear for "J"!!!!!!!!!! 

What is going on here??? 

I of course give him love and thank him for his generosity! 

THEN Becca wants to get her ears double pierced. I say sure so we headed to Clair's. 

Rebecca got all ready. I filled out the paperwork and she picks out her sparkly earrings and then 1-2-3, she was done. She looks beautiful, btw!! 

We walked to the counter to pay and like before the arm comes flying over my shoulder and pays for Rebecca's earrings and the cost of piercing!!!  ($54.00) 

I turned to Willy and say, "why are you doing this... It's awesome but why?" His reply, "love is bigger than money."

Gary also had purchased his little sister some hair bows!

And again I was crying so many "happy tears" that the lady at Clair's gave me a box of tissues! 

The kids were laughing at me and said, "mom, you said no crying at the mall!"

"Happiness is caused by things that happen around me, and circumstances will 

mar it; but joy flows right on through trouble; joy flows on through the dark; 

joy flows in the night as well as in the day; joy flows all through 

persecution and opposition.

It is an unceasing fountain bubbling up in the 

heart; a secret spring the world can't see and doesn't know anything about.

The Lord gives his people perpetual joy when they walk in obedience to him."

-D.L. Moody

Oh!  That our joy would be perpetual and not merely a fleeting moment!  

Father, flow through our children so that only your Son is seen, and love immensely overflows.

lightning and rainbows

Yesterday late afternoon/early evening time the heavens opened up and down poured huge rain and a spectacular lightning show.  It was loud and like all good thunderstorms came forth fast and made its appearance and force known.  The thunder it brought was booming and you could feel it in your soul. 
None of our children like thunderstorms.  They all run when they hear the lightning crack and scream when the thunder hits. Even the older boys, there is no shame... they find the nearest blankets and cover themselves up as if being wrapped up in grandma's quilt will protect them, and in its own way it does... it brings comfort.

There was another storm yesterday.  It began around four PM. This storm came up with vengeance and unleashed a world of hurt.  This storm started in the heart of one of our loves.  You could tell it had been brewing for some time and it decided to show it's face yesterday evening.  It was loud, it was furious, it was wicked.  The words that were spoken were adorn with knives to tear and make the heart bleed... On the receiving end of those well aimed words came the defense attack.  First the defense was soft spoken and calm and it eventually escalated to loud booming rolls of thunder. Then there was hurt that hurts so bad that penetrates your entire being and you become paralyzed. Paralyzed to the point that you have exhausted all options and ways you know of parenting.  You have pulled every tool out of every book and you simply don't know what to do!
"Hurt people, hurt people" but why does it have to hurt so bad????

As the evening went on and it was well past normal dinner time hours, we somehow were capable of getting all children in the car... the storm was still raging on in our home and it was still raging on outside.  We needed to change scenery, we needed to get out of our home, we all needed some fresh air, even if it was in the van, driving in the down pouring rain, on our way to "chicken nugget" aka Chick-fil-a.  

As we road along, the wrath of battling words had hushed... it was like we were entering the eye of the storm. (hey, at least that is a midway point and this mess can come to an end soon, right?? just tryin' to stay positive)
And in the midst of the silence was a plea,  "God, just crash me with lightning."
There was a giving up, there was a letting go.  It was not a suicidal threat but a letting go of trying to hold on to a defiant, stubborn self...

Do you want to know what is so AMAZING?? Ok, here it is:  Up until that moment in time, it was all fury outside.  Lighting crashing, thunder rolling, and down pouring of rain, until that moment our son was battling inside and out... then came his plea to God.... AND GOD ANSWERED.... BELOW IS THE PICTURE OF HIS ANSWER!!!

How amazing is our GOD!!  When we ask for destruction (God, just crash me with lightning.) He brings the beauty of HIS promise!!!

Genesis 9:8-17

⁸ Then God told Noah and his sons, ^9-11 “I solemnly promise you and your children^[a] and the animals you brought with you—all these birds and cattle and wild animals—that I will never again send another flood to destroy the earth. ¹² And I seal this promise with this sign: ¹³ I have placed my rainbow in the clouds as a sign of my promise until the end of time, to you and to all the earth. ¹⁴ When I send clouds over the earth, the rainbow will be seen in the clouds, ¹⁵ and I will remember my promise to you and to every being, that never again will the floods come and destroy all life. ^16-17 For I will see the rainbow in the cloud and remember my eternal promise to every living being on the earth.”

 

This rainbow was seen by all who live in our surrounding town. On Facebook last night the newsfeed was swamped with pictures of this magnificent sight. The beauty of its vibrant colors and it shown in an incredible red/pink sky. It was for all to see but it was the answer to our son's plea. The timing was perfect as God's timing always is. Not only was this rainbow flooding our son with hope of healing and no more destruction it was also the first rainbow his eyes had ever seen in his 14 years of life. 

I am done, but God is not, and that is exactaly where He wants us. 

shut up...

Shut!!!  Up!!!!

These are the last words that are heard coming from the open windows of our minivan as Bethany pulls away, driving all of the kids to JJ's baseball game.  I have to go to work, she has to take the kids to the game.  It's just how it is sometimes.

Then I realize our neighbors are out, sitting on their porch, sipping coffee, and they saw it!!! Oh no!!!  They saw it!!!  They saw our family being real!!  

He is making us so beautifully awkward.

It is not always rainbows and unicorn farts in our house.  Sometimes, "Shut Up!!!" is as nice as it gets.  

If that offends you, I'm sorry, but honesty and transparency is really what's it's all about.

So the real question is now up for grabs.  How does God find glory in all of this?  It's not even Sunday and we don't have our hands lifted high to a Michael W Smith, Chris Tomlin or Steven Curtis Chapmen songs.  So how in the world could he possibly find glory in this crazy, mixed up family?

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. 

Ephesians 1:4

Then Romans 8:29,30 points to the fact that he is glorified in us.

"For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory. "- Romans 8:29-30

How does God find glory in us?  How could he?

Because he is that good.  He is that sovereign, and that perfect. He will find glory in our lives and through our lives because, he will be glorified through us.

It is not about us playing dress up and having fake smiles when we are out and about.  It is most certainly not found in us when we are trying to be better.  That is just foolishness.  

It is dying to ourselves daily, seeking obedience to him, and having him find favor in his own actions through us.

Lord, 

Thank you for the "shut up" days. Thank you for the days we find ourself flat on our face because that leave us only to look to you. You are that good, you are that perfect, you are the one we serve. 

dear parents..

Today one of our sons gave us an inside look at his thoughts and his heart. He writes a letter to parents and future parents of older adopted children. He has written it in Chinese and English. I have not edited or change any of his wording. He said it is his hope to be able to help parents to be encouraged about adopting older children because so many need families. Here are his words, I pray they will touch your heart as they did ours. Jon and I sat and wept happy tears as we read what he wrote.~ Bethany

Dear Parents and Future Parents,

Hello! My Chinese name is Zhang Pengxu, and my English name is William Thomas Allen. I was thirteen years old, I was adopted by American parents. When I first entered the United States, I was a little nervous, strange. Although the United States and China is so far away, so different, but I'm not afraid.

     I know that some parents do not like the adoption of children, because that is takes a lot of money, and some parents fear older child adoptions, because they think children do not listen, or do not like their parents. But I believe that adoption is good, because adoption can give children a full house, you can give children a lot of love.

    

   In fact, I've made a lot of mistakes, I stubborn, do not listen to their parents, and sometimes, I told them; I want to go back to China, because that is my country. I think a lot. Finally, I told myself. Yes, that is indeed your country, but your country's parents abandoned you, I am very sad, but I held back the pain until the end of the day.

    One day, I asked my American parents, I said: I do not always listen to your words, and has trouble, you regret adopt me? I did not expect is that they say: I do not regret it, if you have the next time I will adopt you, I said, why? They said: Because you brought us a lot of fun, no you do not have so much fun, and Jesus said: I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.

      Parents, I said that was my thing, because I made a mistake, do not listen, but my parents comfort me when I cry, I laugh when my fun, of course! I hope you will like my parents, who have no home to adoption, and no love for the children. Do not be afraid, if you have a really tough day, just pray, because God is not dead! 

I really hope you can adopt those children, because children who need your help. They need a perfect family, they need to be happy, and love. I do not know you will not oppose me, but I know that no one is perfect.

Thank you for reading!

             William Thomas Allen

   你好!我的中文名字叫张鹏旭，和我的英文名字叫William Thomas Allen。我十三岁，我也是被美国父母收养的。当我第一次进入美国，我有一点紧张、陌生。虽然美国和中国是那么的遥远，那么的不同，但我一点也不害怕。

     我知道有些父母不喜欢收养儿童，因为那是需要很多的钱，和有些父母害怕收养年龄大的儿童，因为他们认为儿童不听话，或者不喜欢他们的父母。但我认为收养是好的，因为收养可以给儿童一个完整的家，可以给儿童很多爱。

      其实我曾经犯过很多的错误，我倔强、不听父母的话，和有些时候，我告诉他们说；我想回中国，因为那是我的国家。我想了很多很多。最后我自己告诉我自己。对，那的确是你的国家，但是你国家的父母却抛弃了你，我非常伤心，但是我忍住了痛，直到这一天结束了。

    一天，我问我的美国父母，我说：我总是不听你们的话，和一直捣乱，你们后悔收养我吗？我没想到的是，他们说：我一点都不后悔，如果有下一次我还会收养你，我说，为什么？他们说：因为你给我们带来了许多乐趣，没有你就没有那么多的乐趣，和耶稣说过：我不撇下你们为孤儿、我必到你们这里来。

      父母们，我所说的那是我的事情，因为我犯错，不听话，但是我的父母在我哭的时候安慰我，在我笑的时候给我乐

趣，当然！我希望你们也会像我的父母一样，去收养那些没有家、和没有爱的的儿童。不要害怕，如果真的有一天很艰难，只是祷告，因为上帝没有死！我真的希望你们可以收养那些儿童，因为那些儿童需要你们的帮助。他们需要一个完美的家庭，他们需要快乐、和爱。我不知道你们会不会反对我，但是我知道没有人是完美的。

谢谢阅读。

                       张鹏旭

reflecting...

A little over a year ago we were in full on pursuit of our son. This was pre-knowledge that we were going to be in pursuit of two sons. :)

Lord, today I ask you to make our life a drink offering before you. Help us to daily pour our life out to you so we can be fully consumed by you. 

Blog post from our adoption journey, www.bringgaryhome.blogspot.com

FRIDAY, APRIL 12, 2013

All this pain...how is there joy?

“All this pain, I wonder if I’ll ever find my way, I wonder if my life could really change, at all?”-  These words from Gunger’s song “Beautiful things”, run through our heads and hearts at one time or another in our life…. Or maybe on a daily bases.  Am I ever going to find my way?  Can my life change, at all? Can all the pain, and hurt and unfairness that seems to just find it’s way upon me EVER change??

As I ponder these thoughts and the answer to these questions I cannot help but let my mind wonder to our Gary.  The feeling of being unwanted, the heart breaking story of his loss and abandonment by his parents, the hurt in being turned over to a welfare institute… And my heart aches to the thought of his grandparents. His grandparents, who love him dearly… Who do not have the means to even provide the most simplest of necessities to survive. But out of pure love and desire for their grandson signed him over with the hope that one day, one day before his 14^th birthday, he would be found… He would be wanted… he would be loved… he would be adopted…he would be a part of a forever family!

On Christmas day 2012, our family decided to follow a command and a calling at our hearts. We decided to host Gary…On February 2, 2013 as we saw Gary walking down the airport hall (we were in love, head over heels) He and Aaron embraced in the most amazing moments I have ever seen in my life.  At that moment of that simple hug, a hug, his life was changing and so was ours.  We tried so hard to not make any fast or hasty emotional decisions about adoption, and boy was that SO difficult!  But we were diligent in prayer and when I mean diligent I mean every waking moment an every breath breathed while Gary was here and even more before he arrived! But on March 8, 2013 our son left for China. He was leaving home and will be back again. He HAS been found, HE IS wanted, HE IS loved, HE IS being adopted before his 14^thbirthday, and HE IS a part of a forever family!! 
Oh, but it gets better…Gary not only is becoming a part of a forever family but 2 weeks after he was here, in America he surrendered his life to Christ and became a part of the forever family of God.

*On Wednesday, April 11, my mother and I drove to Mount Ulla, NC for her uncle’s funeral.   As I sat back and listened to this pastor of this small church, build in 1804, in a town of North Carolina that has not changed since 1804…. I was struck by the joy that was in this place.  I am not kidding, at a funeral, there was joy.  The pastor’s message was all of 10 minutes per my great uncle’s request and the pastor said zero about my great uncle…per his request but all about Christ. And that was just it…. The pastor speaking all about Christ spoke Loud and Clear all about my mom’s uncle!  Do you get that?  Oh, how I want my life to be lived in a way that all that is heard is Christ!  

Philippians 2:17 -“But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.”

Here is one of the most wonderful verses in the Word of God.  It pictures what the Christian life should look like.  Paul is referring to one of the earliest offerings in the Old Testament.  
The Drink offering/ Liquid offering- Genesis 35:14

“The nesekh represented the devotion of the fruits of man's work to G-d, because it was not a natural product, but something created through man's effort. A representative piece of the offering was burnt on the fire of the altar.” –Judaism 101  

NESEKH  Original Word: נָסַך Part of Speech: Verb Transliteration: nacak Phonetic Spelling: (naw-sak') Short Definition: cover I. נָסַךְ verb pour out

Why would this be significant to a Jewish believer/ Christian?

In the books Leviticus and Numbers the sacrifices are described.  WE learn that there was a drink offering and the meal offering.  It was never added to the sin offering or the trespass offering. It was a most unusual offering in that it had nothing to do with redemption; it had nothing to do with the person of Christ.  They would bring a skin of wine and just pour it on the sacrifice which was being consumed by fire.
What would happen to it????  
It would go up in steam and disappear!!! 

Hummmmm…Paul is saying, “I want my life to be poured out like a drink offering on the offering of Christ!” Paul knows that the Lord Jesus Christ made the supreme sacrifice. He wanted his life to be a drink offering-just poured out to go up in steam. He wanted to be so consumed and obscured that all that is seen is just Jesus Christ. He wanted Christ to receive all the honor and the glory. This was the mind of Paul. This needs to be the mind of us.

Little lamb seeks her Shepherd

Every parent who sends their child to school has that underlying fear of receiving that call one day that there was a shooting at your child's school.

Yesterday, was that day for us.  

Sometime in the afternoon, teachers heard shots close by, and the school went into lock down.  It turned out to be turkey hunters that were too close to the school.  So thankful that it was nothing more.

As I was discussing this situation with our children today, our fourth grader baby girl, told me that when the school was being locked down, most of the kids knew what was going on. But, unfortunately, the shootings that have made their way to us through the media have also made their way to our children's ears and cause them to fear.

She told me of a boy in her class that was very scared and just started saying the words, "Lord! Have mercy on us."

However, our sweet girl told us these words came to her mind:

"Don't worry about anything, just pray about everything...." Philippians 4:6-7

She told me how she remembered these words and how they had comforted her yesterday.  Psalms 119:11 says "to hide God's very words in our hearts."In moments such as this, the reason becomes blatantly evident.

It really comes to light that God never, ever, ever told us,  that he was going to keep us from danger.  As a matter of fact, he told us that he was sending us out as sheep among wolves.  That sounds more like sacrifice than protection.  But he did promise one thing.  He promised that in the midst of it all, of all the pain, of all the loss, of all the overwhelming sadness, and even school shootings, he would send the Comforter.  The comforter sustains us.

Move from fear into obedience.  Move from "have mercy on us" to "no worry, because you tell us not to worry."

And then trust him to show up!  He will!  It's usually right on time, never late, and rarely early, but he'll be there!

If God fails me this time, it will be the first time.  -George Mueller.

Spirit Lead Me...

Two weeks ago Jon and I were at an emotional and down right tough place as parents. When you are witnessing your child's lives transforming in front of you, it can seriously be the most amazing and beautiful thing in the world. But it also can be the most heart aching and painful thing to not only to witness but to be a parent at those times...a parent that is suppose to have all the right words and spoken at all the right times. Not to mention hug at the right times because if you try to hug at the "wrong" time all bets are off that any communication will be taking place. (Some of you may totally relate)

Those days of utter helplessness as a parent to any child (bio/adopted/fostered/neighbor kid) can be absolutely exhausting! So stinkin' exhausting! 

And on the flip side, being a child who is suffering pain from past experiences or pain from verbal abuse, can also be exhausting and down right frustrating! Especially when you just can't explain how you are feeling or why you are even upset, or why you are just so confused because you wonder "how could anyone love a person like me??" 

And then you hear your child ask the "mother of all" questions, "why would God allow me to go through all that hard stuff?"

"Oh Lord help me now!"

Sometimes as your child is suffering through all those questions that are an ongoing cycle through their little minds, their behavior is not at its best. Their behavior is an outward expression of the hurt and pain they are mentally trying to work out. 

As I take a step back and look at what is really going on I can see that the behavior is just a reflection of what is going on, on the inside.... 

But as a mom, when your in the midst of it all, at that moment when all is taking place you can forget that, and simply react to the behavior. When that happens it is a feeling of "mom fail", to say the least! 

I must remember a few things in those heat of the moment times..

"Connect before you correct" - Karyn Purvis

"Hurt people, hurt people" - PT (Pastor Terry Nelson)

Remembering those two little things really matters!! It changes your reaction into a response. And when you respond it can bring healing!

Best analogy I ever heard on those two little "R" words: 

When a doctor gives you medicine he wants your body to respond to the medication so your body can heal. He does not want your body to to have an allergic reaction to the medication.... So respond don't react.

This is not a cure all method but it does dramatically help in those moments that seem impossible. 

At this time, we are celebrating a small victory of two weeks of healing! Praises praises!!!

An outward sign that healing has begun:

On Sundays we do the 1st service then cruise on to the 2nd service or aka "big church".

Our older boys are like most teens and whine and complain about not wanting to stay for "big church" because it is boring and long...

Two weeks ago started a new trend and one I hope will always continue.

As I had mentioned before we were struggling in some tough moments and I was expecting to hear the typical question, "mom, do we have to stay?"

But to my surprise there was no resistance as we walked the hall towards the doors to big church. In fact the three olders were walking with two other boys from youth group... Alrighty then, I could get used to this. They sat with their friends and I sat behind them. 

As we came before The Lord in worship I noticed our love, who had, had a rough Friday and Saturday, speak something in Chinese to his brother and then take about three big step away from him.

I was singing and praising and the tears where welling up as the memories of what had conspired over the last few days where brought forth and laid before my Father. As I let go of all that I could not fix on my own, the burden of it all began to melt away in the awesome way God works. 

I opened my eyes to peak in on the behavior of the boys and what I saw will be forever burned into my memory. 

With both hands outstretched in full surrender was our son. Our son was letting go of his hurt, his fears, his self preserving control he tried so hard to hold onto. Tears streaming his face, words being sung loud and with a beautiful heavy accent. 

In 7 months of big church he had not once moved during worship, not once sang, not once cared. 

And now here I was standing witness to only what God can do. Only what the stirring of the Holy Spirit can produce.

And there I had a moment of my own with The Lord... Thank you, thank you my God who heals!

As the service ended and we all loaded in the car, before I could even say a word our sweet boy spoke up. "Mom, did you see that? Do you know what I told my brother?" I smiled and said, yes I saw the most beautiful picture of surrender and no, I have no clue what you spoke to your brother in Chinese.

His reply has such insight to his soul. I told him, "We are in America now.. It is ok to worship God, it is ok to dance, now move over and give me room!"

"When the Spirit of the Lord comes upon my heart 

I will dance like David danced 

When the Spirit of the Lord comes upon my heart

I will pray like David prayed

When the Spirit of the Lord comes upon my heart

I will sing like David sang"

Thank you LORD! OH the HEALING, OH the VICTORY!!