a cry out for Kenya...

This morning I received pictures from our sweet son in Kenya. 

The political violence and military militia are out of control. Shooting, tear gas, and rape are rampant. 

"The government of the day is determined to remain in power at all costs."

"I have not left the house for 4 days. Gunshots and teargas is all over Kisumu."

"Many people have died as a result of police brutality. People have been maimed and women raped by malitia groups that are state sponsored."

Please, stop and pray. Pray for peace. Pray for safety. Pray for somehow new government officials to be set in place and the violence to stop.

Psalm 61:1-8 

"O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. 

Let me live forever in your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings! Interlude For you have heard my vows, O God. You have given me an inheritance reserved for those who fear your name. Add many years to the life of the king! May his years span the generations! May he reign under God’s protection forever. 

May your unfailing love and faithfulness watch over him. Then I will sing praises to your name forever as I fulfill my vows each day."

what is family...

Sometimes the loudest truths are written in words by your son. If those of you know us or my son who wrote this, you know how incredibly huge this is. To be witness to how the Holy Spirit can take a life and transform it right before your eyes is humbling to say the least. Please read these precious truths and take them to heart as this is an out pouring of his. 
(I have not corrected or changed any of his words.)

What Is a family 

        What is a family? To me, A family is the people who live with you as long as you can remember in a same household. they are there for each other, to protect one another, love each other, to laugh at each other, teasing one another, the most important is to spent time with each other. Even sometimes we yelled at each other, get mad at each other, say we hate each other, but in the end, this is what i called a “family.” Definition of a family, is a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household. I want everybody to take a moment, to think about the family you have right now. Is it the best in the world? the worst? or in between? I’m assuming you will say is the best, because this family you have is what God had given to you. Even the people in your family. God chose the right people and putted in your family to help you grow. God will not give you something that’ s not best for you. He even give his only son to you. What else do you think he won’t give to you? Nothing. If you are having a hard time with your family, spent time with each other, and pray. Having a hard time with your parents, talk to them, and pray. having a hard time with your children, loving on them, and pray. If you are having a hard time with yourself, ask God for help, and pray. Why do i say pray every sentence? Because sometimes we are so worry about how to fix our own problem, instead pray about it. We forgot that there is a powerful God who can do anything for you, for us. If you feel sad, mad, disappoint, feel sorry for yourself, or think that nobody cares about you because you don’t have a family, or even it’s not the family you wanted, or you thought would be. But guess what? You are wrong. God is part of your family. He is always there for you, he watched you grow from day to night and day to night. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean he’s not there and he will always being there, for you and for us. The truth is “God is enough.” You don’t realize God is all you need until you know God is all you have. Everything in this world is God’s, even you. He make sure you born just like the way he wanted. He make sure your life just like the way he had plan out. He even know how many footsteps you had already take since you were born. This is the God who truly cares about you, and we can’t doubt about that. So be thankful for what you already have, love the hard times because that’s how we grow. Thank God for all he had done for you, for us. 

I been thought a lot. I know what’s like to not having a family or the family i wanted. I know what’s like to feel lonely, sad, mad, and think that nobody cares about me, and even say things to the people i think i hate. But in the end, i thank God for everything he had done for me, and everything he had putted in my life to help me grow. I thank God for given me a heart, so i can feel things. For given me a eye so i can see, for given me a ear so i can hear, and for given me a mouth so i can taste. I pray that God will help me to become the person that he want me to become. I pray for you as well. One thing i think you should know about me is that………. I AM ADOPTED!!!!!

I am adopted by the family i have right now, and i’m adopted by God, into his family. Because of the love of God and his grace. I’m going to remind you again. Be thankful, and love each other. doesn’t matter where we came from, and what we had done. Love each other like the way God had loved us. Because nobody is perfect. Not me, you, not your family, and not anyone. Remember this, in christ there is nothing i could do that would make you love me more, and nothing i had done that would make you love me less. God love us for who we are, so we can do the same for others. God showed his greatest love for us: while we were still sinners, christ die for us. (Romans 5:8 ).

Thank you for whoever spent time reading this. I hope you can take away something from this. I pray that God will give you guidance and direction for you and your family in everything you do.

William Thomas Allen 

yesterday sucked...

This morning I'm literally sitting and drinking a cup of coffee.... like quietly sitting and drinking coffee. 

I expect at any moment to be shaken from my little slice of quiet heaven on earth, but for now I'm soaking it in. Reading, drinking dark roasted goodness and just breathing...praying... actually taking a moment to write.

Yesterday was one of "those days". You know "those days" you wish never would be days at all. Adoption mamas of kids from hard places; you get what I'm saying.... "those days" that rear their heads to expose and bring to light the ugly side of adoption. The ugly side that shows that your child had a life abandoned, alone, and to this day even still has secret hurts that have yet been revealed.

Any little thing can be a trigger for these times of raw exposure and with it brings the raw behaviors that unleash a world of hurt to whoever and whatever is in its path. 

Behaviors that are completely wrong and unacceptable. Behaviors that if from a bio child would be immediate punishment of some sort. Behaviors that put you on the brink of, "why did I ever adopt this child in the first place?" (Keepin' it real people) 

BUT, there is a child. A child who believes they are grown. A child who behind the actions of unbelievable hate, is a pain that is trying to consume and take over. That behind the stubborn heart who pushes you away, literally and physically, is a child who wants nothing more than to just be held in your arms. 

Sometimes it takes days like yesterday. Days that rip you to the core and leave you bleeding for all those who have been orphaned. 

This can be prevented, children don't have to be so deeply scarred like this and shouldn't be. 

Yesterday I found my self in a dark closet with my child who was trying to hide from himself. Pushed in a corner trying to be all wrapped up in the clothes that hung from the hangers. 

In that dark closet things were brought to light as I heard words spoken to express the rampant emotions that were overtaking my child. (This is huge people!) 

Yesterday sucked. That word is kindhearted and an understatement at best. It tested our faith in a God we serve. It tested our child who fought hard to hang onto an anger he thought would heal, an anger he though would protect, and an anger that ultimately brought so much pain to all those around and to him a consuming fog of a false reality.

What we've learned as parents is to pick and choose our battles with our children. Each child is different. Each child has their own struggles and each has their own way of handling difficult situations. We've learned that if our child does not study for a test there is a natural consequence of their choice. We may remind our child to study but we're not going to fight them over this. If they fail, that's a life lesson they learn on natural consequences of poor decisions. 

But sometimes we as the parent create the consequences. If disobeying is blatant and in pure defiance, so shall the consequence. This can bring the wrath of being "hated" by our kids. But... it also teaches.

 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." 

-Psalm 139:23-24

Not all days end the way yesterday did... yesterday we had healing, we had restoration, we had forgiveness. These victories are beautiful and humbling. They bring me to my knees so quickly before our Father. Nothing is more difficult than looking at your child and knowing you cannot fix the hurt. You cannot fix the pain. You cannot fix a stubborn heart that is a fortified fortress of reenforced steal and concert and all that is strong and solid... my goodness so freakin' solid!

But knowing WHO can melt this heart of stone brings hope. It makes the victories that much sweeter. Yesterday was ugly with a glimmer of beauty. I will hold onto the hope that there will be days like yesterday that reveal the the broken, stubbornness we try to hide and justify...only that we may surrender it all over to our Healer.