mile marker 6 and 7

I ran a race a while ago.  It was the first half marathon I had ran in over ten years.  Bethany and I were able to get away for the weekend to go run this race; it was a great time.  

Walking around historic Charleston was the best.  

 

Very quickly, race day arrived.  The race was fun, snaking through historic Charleston. Everything was going great until I ended up somewhere between mile marker 6 and mile marker 7.  By this point we were well out of the more desirable part of Charleston and were now in the dilapidated, rural area of Charleston.  

 

I have always considered myself a giving person.  Bethany and I were even discussing it last night after one of our son's ran his debit card instead of our debit card in the grocery line.  

After commenting how he had been like me when I was young, I remarked on how my giving was to my detriment as I cared very little about myself and more for others.  And this is a good thought. This is truly where I believe where God wants me to be, but honestly it's not where I'm at.  Shamefully, it has been more pleasurable for me to give when it is convenient, and that is not truly thinking of others first.  It really isn't.  

 

As I was running between mile marker 6 and mile marker 7 on race day, I passed a run down supermarket.  At the roadside was a bench with two homeless people sitting on it, watching runners as they ran by the bench.  As I ran by the bench, a man walked up with his apparent belongings piled up in a black trash bag.  I looked down past his sweat pants to his socks.  He wasn't wearing shoes.  

He had apparently worn these socks for a long while, but there were no shoes on his feet. 

 

As I ran past him in my $120 Brooks Ghost 6 running shoes, I made myself feel better by feeling sorry for him.  It wasn't until about one hundred yards had past that I considered giving him my shoes instead.  Who cares that I was running a race.  Who cares that this is why I came to Charleston. There was now a more pressing need and this in fact may be the real reason I was meant to come to Charleston.  

But, I hesitated.  Hesitation led to reasoning.  Reasoning led to justification, and so I justified keeping my shoes for myself, instead of giving them to someone who really needed them.  

As soon as it became clear that I was never turning back to give this man these shoes, I regretted my decision. I felt awful.  I was a fraud, a fake.  I pretend to be good, but at the very core I was selfish.

I promised myself that I would never forget this incident.  That I would remember what it feels like to have a choice to do the right thing, the freedom to make the wrong decision, and the regret ensued by the latter. 

I asked for a do over.

 

Remember "do overs"?  As a kid, most of us had short windows of opportunities to show our parents that we had learned a new skill, trick, or ability.  And inevitably the first time was an abysmal failure!  

"DO OVER!" , I would yell, wanting a second chance to prove my new found accomplishment.  

Hopefully you know what I'm talking about.

Well, I asked for another chance on race day.  Ignorantly, I asked for another shoeless man.  I did!  I asked God to send another shoeless man and I would give my shoes that time.  But, I haven't seen a shoeless man since.  It turns out that he might not send that second shoeless man after all.

 

He might just send a shoebox instead.  He might just send a shoebox six years ago, only to be opened now. 

 

You see, there was this little boy who was found on a doorstep in China six years ago.  He has never known belonging.  He has never known what it is to sit in a car and fight over "his seat".  He has never known a place in a family because he has no family, yet. This boy has caretakers, but he does not have a mommy or daddy. 

 

Willy, Gary, Aaron, Becca, and JJ all went to sleep last night with the last words they heard being, "we love you; see you in the morning."

 

But this boy went to bed a much different way. 

This boy is 6 yrs old, so he is now considered less desirable.  He does not fall into that sought after, newborn to three years old, age group, so his chances of being adopted grow more and more slim every day.  

 

We might be this boy's forever family.  Would you please pray with us that God would open up doors of opportunity if this boy belongs in our home?  Would you pray even more so  that God would close doors of opportunity if this boy does not belong in our family?

 

God has this boy's future mapped out. We are currently somewhere between mile 6 and mile 7 on that map right now.  We just saw him walk out to watch the world pass him by.  

I made a promise I wouldn't just run by again and not do anything. 

We've decided to stop, and help.  Pray that God will either say to us, "no....not this one", or better yet, "well done, my good and faithful servants."

"no reserves, no retreats, no regrets"

- William Borden

sing a little song...

Picking up the guitar tonight after not playing in a while was seriously great. A few things you should know:
- I am not good at guitar
- I absolutely love playing
- It's my favorite way to worship 

I came up to bed early to sit down and tune the guitar (because it seriously has been months of being untouched) and strum around and then look up the cords to a new song I've been wanting to learn.

Jon, who is incredibly musically inclined, is my rhythm keeper. He sings and keeps me from playing too fast or too slow or play off melody.

As he was singing and I was playing in walked Aaron. He said, "I heard you playing", and then proceeded to hobble over to the bed with his crutches, turn around, hop up onto the bed booty first, then wiggle his way between me and Jon and laid his head on his daddy and started to sing with him. So I just continued on playing.
Then, in walks Willy... He said, I heard that one song, I like it. So he began to sing. 

And there, in front of my eyes, I am watching this beautiful moment. This moment that will be so branded into my heart forever. Three men are singing praises to God, and are singing pure, raw, and humble.

What a site to be witness to. Here is Jon and in walks Aaron (our first son, and his first adopted son) and then in walks Willy (our oldest son but our most recent adoption).... I don't know if I am painting this picture clear enough with my words.

It was like watching a legacy unfold as these three were singing before their Father above. To OUR father who has adopted us into his family through His son.... And then here are two adopted sons with their father, following by his example!

I mean.... I mean, the emotions that were just rushing over me. Not some full on sobbing sappy emotions but like this bold proud rush of emotions seeing these boys singing with voices of men, unashamedly to God. Not because they were being forced, not because we were in church, but because they heard it, they came to see, and they wanted to.
I can never un-see or un-hear this moment in my life. This powerful moment was real and full of awe.

Thank you Lord, this I will forever cherish always!

"EVERY father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice."- unknown

to infinity and beyond...

Toy Story is such a precious movie to me. It's the first movie my first son and I really got into. It was a "BOY" movie! A non Disney princess movie and we both totally loved it! My son reminded me so much of Andy and I absolutely loved how Woody was "branded" with his name on the bottom of his boot! I mean what powerful emotional moments Disney built up when Woody would look down under his boot and see that name, Andy. 

Woody knew where he belonged. He knew he was apart of the family and as sherif it was his job to keep that family together and even later on adopt new family members! Oh it just gets me all tearing up thinking about it! 

Well you see, there's this boy... A boy named Andy. He needs a family, he needs to belong.

This precious boy has been waiting and is about to age out in June this year! He is 13 years old. 

Can you see his smile? Can you see the hope? 

My hope is that you are looking at your son. That you are reading these words and then BAM! It hits you, "that's my son, he's in China, but he's my son!"

Andy, has one special need, if you even want to call it that. He has a limb difference in his leg. His upper leg bone is bowed and shortened and he uses a crutch to walk. Believe me, this doesn't slow him down at all!

Here is a video of Andy! What a cutie he is!!     https://vimeo.com/103536786

Andy attends public school and does well there. His favorite subject is art. He is described as respectful and cheerful and he gets along well with his peers.

For more information about Andy please contact April Uduhiri at april.uduhiri@gladney.org.

#bringlihome

Oh My Goodness!!  There goes another one of "those families" adopting again…. Can you believe it? I mean, don’t they have like 50 kids already and they are adopting again?  And to top it all off, they are begging for money again… Why adopt another kid if you can’t even afford it to begin with!

Look, I get it! I have been there and been the person that voices all those questions and opinions in the nice confines of my own home where only my husband is listening and typically he would just nod his head in agreement with me. I would get on my soap box, literally speaking because most of these conversations would happen in the bathroom, and preach on about how people “should not adopt if they can’t pay for the adoption!”

Here it is and it kills me to admit the humiliating truth BUT, I WAS WRONG!  Not even a little bit wrong but a whole lotta wrong.

Oh So WRONG and so thankful that I was. The Lord set me real straight with a good ole dose of reality as he put me and our family in our place as we became the adoptive parents desperately trying to bring our boys home before they aged out in China. (“Age out” is the term used for children who turn a “special age” and therefore no longer able to be adopted. That “special age” for China is 14 years old!)

So there is this AMAZING family… The Northrop Family. They are in that position of racing against time. Their son, Li, is about to turn 14 in March 2015.  That is next month!! If he ages out before they are able to travel to China and get him… they can’t get him.

WE HAVE GOT TO HELP!! There is no denying it. Adoption is expensive. But, if we all give a little… a little goes a long ways.

This is my cry for help, my plea to my friends and family and to the greater friends and family of the cyber community. PLEASE, let’s join together and GIVE!

Li, needs a family! He is 12,000 miles away in China, alone. Li has a family here in America desperately trying to bring him home. #bringlihome

Please watch and share Li's YouTube video:
      http://youtu.be/_InBNO6BS4Q

Promise 686 has given the Northrop family a huge matching grant of $4000.00. To help give to this click link: https://connect.clickandpledge.com/Organization/Promise686/campaign/201Northrop or please write a check to: "Promise686" and make sure to write "Northrop" in the memo line. Mail to: 4729 Peachtree Industrial Blvd. Suite 100, Barkeley Lake, GA 30092

Lifesong also gave them a matching grant of $2000.00.  To donate to them click on the link: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=C45PZD4WGZE4N

 

the song's on repeat...

Jan. 29, 2015

Right now I am sitting in my closet. Sitting in my closet and just at a loss....

What do you do when your kids say the meanest things? What do you do when the words being spit out with such a force of hate shock your heart but fall on ears like a scratched record? I just can't right now. If I'm being real and honest, I just can't even deal with this tonight. The cycle that is on repeat has beat me tonight and I give up! 

................................................................

Feb. 1, 2015

I started to write the above blog a few nights ago, alone, in my closet at 10:11pm. I had already been in a full on three hour conversation aka loud non communicative speaking, with our son. I was in no mood for it that night. His way of thinking he knows everything about everything, everything which includes thinking he knows already what I'm going to say and knows that he knows what he is saying is wrong and knows he should not be disrespectful but apparently we have caused this. We have "made" him act this way. And of course when I say, "no one can make you react this way"... Don't worry because he knows that too! 

Genius child I had on my hands the other night! 

Oh it was ugly and I was over it! UGH!!!! 

Sitting there in my closet I could not even think. I sat there, having locked myself in, and just embraced the quietness and the little space of no movement. Just still. I did not think, I did not move, I just breathed!

I was so thankful that Jon was home that night...He tucked the littles in bed and gave them loves and assured them all was going to be alright. He spoke with the biggins and prayed with them and got them all off to bed. Thankful that tonight, we were a united front. Don't get me wrong, we are always a team and united in our efforts as parents but many nights Jon is working and parenting via iPhone. That night we could literally tag team! Thank you God! His turn was up and I was in the corner of the ring (our closet) trying to catch my breath!

I was in there about five minutes and then heard a knock. I was not ready to go back out; I did not want to be a parent at this moment. I wanted to just be in my closet of quiet and stillness. 

It was Jon at the door. He asked to come in and I was so thankful he was not telling me it was my turn to be responsible. 

Jon came in and sat beside me and said, "I told our son to wait. I told him to come in our room and wait until we were ready to talk to him."

We just did not know what to do. We are in this same cycle of events with this one child and we have got to figure out how to get him and us out of this ticking time bomb of a pattern. 

Good day- good day- moody child- explosion- regret/forgiveness- good day- good day- moody child- explosion- regret/forgiveness- good day- good day.... You get the pattern? 

Not even a full minute had gone by and our son started talking... I mean just a talkin'!

We reminded him in a neutral tone; "stay in our room and wait and we will be out there to talk to you."

He went on with "why, what for, it is late" and "that would be boring, this is stupid, if you want to talk then just talk, why do I have to wait" and so on and so on.

I don't know what clicked inside of me but I said to Jon; I am not going to answer him and you should not either. We had explained to him what he needed to do. We gave him clear direction and he just needs to wait. This is not going to be in his timing or on his demand. We are going to wait like we did when our kids were babies and we were teaching them to go to sleep at nap time. Jon and I would change them, feed them, sometimes change them again, rock them and sing, then lay them in their crib and told them it was time to sleep.

I don't know about your kids but ours did not ever go right down for a nap! As soon as we would think we had them asleep in our arms and as soon as their heads hit that mattress they would pop up so fast and cry and scream! 

We did whatever method was popular at the time. The one where you lay them back down, tell the child it was time to sleep then walk out and close the door. They would cry and you would let them cry (as long as they were dry and fed) upwards of 10 min. 

The whole point was to teach the child that you the parent were putting them to bed and they needed to learn to go to sleep when you told them.... and that just because they cried did not mean they were getting their way.

All of this came to my mind in an instant and I thought, our son needs to learn that just because he is demanding us to do what he is wanting does not mean we needed to oblige. He has to learn just like a baby does, that just because you cry you are not always going to get your way. 

And so it was that night. 

He kept talking and saying it was stupid to have to wait, and so on. Jon and I had decided if our son could just stay quiet for one solid minute we would come out of the closet and do our best to fix the crazy issue we were having. 

So there he was; there we were.  The battle line was drawn; the door was shut.

Our son's talking went from why, how, and when, to apology and remorse for what he had done.  When he found that even with the apology, we didn't respond, there came a long sigh.  A long, long sigh.  And then...it happened. 

"Okay, I am just going to sit out here and wait." our son said.

He did just that for a moment longer before we opened the door,  and invited him in, to where he could find forgiveness.

A well known definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over, and yet expect different results.

The repeated cycle our son goes through mirrors the same cycle that all of us go through in our lives.

We want different results the next time, but we don't really want to or even like to change.  We are stuck.  We can't get out.  It's not that we don't want the kind of change necessary to bail us out of our ever torrent predicament, it's just that it is not humanly possible. The kind of change we need, the very change our son needs, can only come from the Holy Spirit. 

Jesus said he was sending someone better, and he wasn't kidding.  

We need the Holy Spirit through our lives to be the change we cannot be. We must die to ourselves in order for the Holy Spirit to live His will through us.  

Talking about the Holy Spirit can be uncomfortable because it seems so unfamiliar. To be honest, unfortunately, most of us this day and age haven't seen the power of the Holy Spirit.

Our China boys grew up Buddhism with influence of Taoism.

Lao Tzu wrote in one passage of the Tao Ta Ching, the holy book of Tao, "that it is upon the emptiness of a room, where its usefulness is found, and that the spokes of a wheel only find their usefulness around the emptiness of the hub." 

Oh that we would empty ourselves,only to be filled with the love and the forgiveness and the glory of our Father's Holy Spirit.

Father, may we stop trying, start dying, and have faith that only through you, are all things made new.

"Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins where man's power ends."- George Mueller

And so we continue on, ever changing, living this beautifully awkward life we've been given.