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2002 was a difficult year...  It was a year that began with much sadness and hurt.  It was a year that two lives were meant to find each other, though at the beginning of this year, they never thought it was possible.  You see there was this young man, let's call him Jon, he was working hard to keep a home, stay in school and work two jobs.  He and another had ended a life together that he thought was meant to be forever... And not too many miles down the road was a young lady who was doing the same.  Trying to figure out the workings of being a single mom to the cutest baby boy in the world!
  And so these two both sought employment at GOLD'S GYM! The gym offered free child care for the young lady and great 2nd job hours for the young man.  And so the path of these two finally came to a crossroads at the end of August in 2002... Fast-forward to July 2003, Jon and Bethany are married and 10 years down the road is where we find our lives now! Happy, hectic, house full, and lovin it!

Who we are now has change so much from who we were in 2002...and we changed even more 2011...God opened our eyes to so much that need to change in our lives in the summer of 2011, and even more so in November of 2011, and even more so in December 2011, then 2012 was a whirlwind of awesomeness and in 2013 we began a new journey that added two new loves in our life that were "made in China" (our adoption journey blog: www.bringgaryhome.blogspot.com )
And we find ourselves now on this journey that is so unpredictable! So unpredictable because it is no longer a life "we" are planning out, it is no longer "our" goals we seek to achieve or our "home" we are trying to build.  It is unpredictable because we are surrendering "our" EVERYTHING to the hands of our Father.

We hope to blog about our journey and be open, real, and honest about ups and downs, falls and setbacks, glorious triumphs, and ugly failures. (for me(Bethany)there have been so many ugly failures and major "unholy" acts, but it has been now that I see those times as me trying to do everything on my own and by my own hopes to help myself somehow... finally letting go of the tight grips of control daily/ hourly/ by the minute, though I stumble, I pray that each day becomes quicker that I don't get up on my own, but that I fall at my Savior's feet.)

"the language of love"

I can speak just enough Chinese for Chinese people to not understand a single word I am trying to say. 

 

It is not that I haven't studied or practiced.  For what's it worth, I have given speaking Chinese a lot of effort.  Too true is the phrase, "Do not confuse effort with results".

 

It is here that I find myself.  

 

I have so much I want to say in Chinese.  I want to express and convey emotion that only a Mandarin dialect can provide.  I want to fluently speak with the boys that I love so much in their native tongue.  I want to speak Chinese.  And so, I will continue to practice.

 

Love language can be very similar.  If not respectful and appreciative for differences, we can receive the love we are looking for and never even know it, because it comes by a path we are not even looking for it to come. 

 

We have had some struggle with positive communication with one of our loves. We want to hold, hug, and show our son the physical affection he deserves.  We want to show him the affection he should have always have had, and rarely received.

 

There has been some success, but all too often, failure to peak the moment with physical affection seems to prevail again and again.

 

But then there are mornings like this morning when our son disappeared to his room for about thirty minutes.

 

As he came back down the stairs, we asked where he was, what he was doing, and why had he been gone for so long.  

 

"Come see", came the sheepish reply.

 

So we went up the stairs to find that our 14 year old son wasn't doing anything you would expect any average teenager to be doing in his room alone.

 

We walked into the room and found that he had not only made his bed, but made the three other beds his brothers sleep in.  He cleaned around and under the beds.  He swept the floor, put away clothes, and cleaned the closet.

 

He was so proud and expected nothing less from us.  We showered him in praise!

 

Some people have a light bulb moment.  I had more of a stadium lighting moment.

 

"Maybe our child shows love differently than I do", was my epiphany.  

 

Genius, I know.  

 

What a time for worship and to call upon the Holy Spirit to tie our family together, using many different languages of love, all blending and standing independently at the same time to create this beautiful entity, our family.

 

We serve a complex God.  We serve a complex Holy Spirit.  Holy Spirit, please mold our family into the vessel you require us to be.  Make us into that super complex living, breathing organism, called the Christian family, bent on only serving you, even to the dismay of all others.

 

It is only you we look to.  It is only you we live for. It is only you we obey. 

 

"For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end." 

 

Psalms 48:14

closet hand raiser

Can you hear the sound of the beating drums? Can you feel rhythm in the strums of the guitar strings? Does that sound awaken your soul? Does that sound awaken your flesh? The sounds blend together in a song; do you allow the Spirit inside be filled and praised or does your mind race with distaste and you become a ridged unmovable being?

Do you belt it out with ceaseless worship? Do you close your eyes and lift your hands in sweet surrender? Have you dared let go to the “what will they think?” or “How will I look?” Do you stare down the swaying movements or clapping hands?

As I think through all these things, I have to admit that I am guilty of not allowing my soul be filled with praise.  At times I have fought back the urge to raise my hands up to the heavens and allow myself to surrender…  I have been at fault to be consumed by those around me and not allow my soul to be consumed by the Holy Spirit.  In all actuality what does that even look like?? To be consumed by the Holy Spirit, full on worship of our Heavenly Father… I honestly do not know. 

I am a closet hand raiser… In the car in my “own” worship time I will shout out in praise with hands raised and in tears over what Jesus has done for me… Seriously TEARS!! (When is the last time you have wept over what God has done for us through His son?)  Why, when I sept into“church”, do I become shy/fearful/restraining/solemn???? (It is embarrassing to admit.)

“In essentials, unity.  In nonessentials, liberty.  In everything, charity.”- Phillipp Melanchthon

Why as “believers” do we feel it our duty to critique every single thing about the worship “segment” of the Sunday morning service?? Seriously, I have left the service, gone to lunch and just critiqued the entire worship time!

"The beat was off”; “that song was too hard to sing to”; “couldn’t worship to that song because it was sung in a weird key”; “Oh, what was that person doing up there singing a solo, they were horrible”; “did you see that person clapping??”; “umm, I think I need my hearing checked after today, can you believe how loud it was”,;“ok, so that singer was totally trying to bring glory to himself and not God, for real!”; “Really, a drum solo/guitar solo/horn solo/piano solo/violin solo/singer solo???" BTW, I am no one who needs to ever critique music!! I never know what key to sing in and I am so jealous of those special people who can actually harmonize!! BUT.. I all too often have fallen into the category of critiquing an or criticizing the worship service. UGGGH!!!

  It is up to you how you view the “worship” at your church.  You can view it as a performance or you can become a part of the worship by closing your eyes to all that is around you and make it between you and your Savior. It is about the HEART of worship… not the HOW. If you are involved in the worship you will not critique it as a performance and you will no longer view it as a performance. The ultimate problem and stumbling block of worship is SELF… The more that I remove my opinions and preferences the more I realize that it is my approach before my Father that matters. I realize it is not FOR me or about ME at all, it is FOR HIM and about HIM. Worship the way God made you to worship…not YOUR way but HIS way. Not for yourself to make you feel good but for HIM and HIS GLORY.
So thankful for the amazing gifts and talents God creates us all with.  They are all unique and individual. I am a music lover and I so appreciate the people God has placed in our lives to lead us into worshiping our Savior.

Dear Lord, I thank you for this day! I thank you for the love you poured out on this world through your Son.  Thank you for the sounds of music and for the boldness of those who use it to lead others in worshiping your name.  I ask you to forgive me for making it about me all to often and forgetting WHO it is about.  I love you. I pray this in Your Name, Amen

“I Firmly believe that the moment our hearts are emptied of selfishness and ambition and self-seeking and everything that is contrary to God’s law, the Holy Spirit will come and fill every corner of our hearts; but if we are full of pride and conceit, ambition, and self-seeking pleasure and the world, there is no room for the Spirit of God. I also believe that many a man is praying to God to fill him, when he is full already with something else. Before we pray that God would fill us, I believe we ought to pray that He would empty us.  There must be an emptying before there can be a filling; and when the heart is turned upside down, and everything that is contrary to God is turned out, then the Spirit will come…”  -D.L. Moody