shut up...

Shut!!!  Up!!!!

These are the last words that are heard coming from the open windows of our minivan as Bethany pulls away, driving all of the kids to JJ's baseball game.  I have to go to work, she has to take the kids to the game.  It's just how it is sometimes.

Then I realize our neighbors are out, sitting on their porch, sipping coffee, and they saw it!!! Oh no!!!  They saw it!!!  They saw our family being real!!  

He is making us so beautifully awkward.

It is not always rainbows and unicorn farts in our house.  Sometimes, "Shut Up!!!" is as nice as it gets.  

If that offends you, I'm sorry, but honesty and transparency is really what's it's all about.

So the real question is now up for grabs.  How does God find glory in all of this?  It's not even Sunday and we don't have our hands lifted high to a Michael W Smith, Chris Tomlin or Steven Curtis Chapmen songs.  So how in the world could he possibly find glory in this crazy, mixed up family?

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. 

Ephesians 1:4

Then Romans 8:29,30 points to the fact that he is glorified in us.

"For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory. "- Romans 8:29-30

How does God find glory in us?  How could he?

Because he is that good.  He is that sovereign, and that perfect. He will find glory in our lives and through our lives because, he will be glorified through us.

It is not about us playing dress up and having fake smiles when we are out and about.  It is most certainly not found in us when we are trying to be better.  That is just foolishness.  

It is dying to ourselves daily, seeking obedience to him, and having him find favor in his own actions through us.

Lord, 

Thank you for the "shut up" days. Thank you for the days we find ourself flat on our face because that leave us only to look to you. You are that good, you are that perfect, you are the one we serve. 

dear parents..

Today one of our sons gave us an inside look at his thoughts and his heart. He writes a letter to parents and future parents of older adopted children. He has written it in Chinese and English. I have not edited or change any of his wording. He said it is his hope to be able to help parents to be encouraged about adopting older children because so many need families. Here are his words, I pray they will touch your heart as they did ours. Jon and I sat and wept happy tears as we read what he wrote.~ Bethany

Dear Parents and Future Parents,

Hello! My Chinese name is Zhang Pengxu, and my English name is William Thomas Allen. I was thirteen years old, I was adopted by American parents. When I first entered the United States, I was a little nervous, strange. Although the United States and China is so far away, so different, but I'm not afraid.

     I know that some parents do not like the adoption of children, because that is takes a lot of money, and some parents fear older child adoptions, because they think children do not listen, or do not like their parents. But I believe that adoption is good, because adoption can give children a full house, you can give children a lot of love.

    

   In fact, I've made a lot of mistakes, I stubborn, do not listen to their parents, and sometimes, I told them; I want to go back to China, because that is my country. I think a lot. Finally, I told myself. Yes, that is indeed your country, but your country's parents abandoned you, I am very sad, but I held back the pain until the end of the day.

    One day, I asked my American parents, I said: I do not always listen to your words, and has trouble, you regret adopt me? I did not expect is that they say: I do not regret it, if you have the next time I will adopt you, I said, why? They said: Because you brought us a lot of fun, no you do not have so much fun, and Jesus said: I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.

      Parents, I said that was my thing, because I made a mistake, do not listen, but my parents comfort me when I cry, I laugh when my fun, of course! I hope you will like my parents, who have no home to adoption, and no love for the children. Do not be afraid, if you have a really tough day, just pray, because God is not dead! 

I really hope you can adopt those children, because children who need your help. They need a perfect family, they need to be happy, and love. I do not know you will not oppose me, but I know that no one is perfect.

Thank you for reading!

             William Thomas Allen

   你好!我的中文名字叫张鹏旭，和我的英文名字叫William Thomas Allen。我十三岁，我也是被美国父母收养的。当我第一次进入美国，我有一点紧张、陌生。虽然美国和中国是那么的遥远，那么的不同，但我一点也不害怕。

     我知道有些父母不喜欢收养儿童，因为那是需要很多的钱，和有些父母害怕收养年龄大的儿童，因为他们认为儿童不听话，或者不喜欢他们的父母。但我认为收养是好的，因为收养可以给儿童一个完整的家，可以给儿童很多爱。

      其实我曾经犯过很多的错误，我倔强、不听父母的话，和有些时候，我告诉他们说；我想回中国，因为那是我的国家。我想了很多很多。最后我自己告诉我自己。对，那的确是你的国家，但是你国家的父母却抛弃了你，我非常伤心，但是我忍住了痛，直到这一天结束了。

    一天，我问我的美国父母，我说：我总是不听你们的话，和一直捣乱，你们后悔收养我吗？我没想到的是，他们说：我一点都不后悔，如果有下一次我还会收养你，我说，为什么？他们说：因为你给我们带来了许多乐趣，没有你就没有那么多的乐趣，和耶稣说过：我不撇下你们为孤儿、我必到你们这里来。

      父母们，我所说的那是我的事情，因为我犯错，不听话，但是我的父母在我哭的时候安慰我，在我笑的时候给我乐

趣，当然！我希望你们也会像我的父母一样，去收养那些没有家、和没有爱的的儿童。不要害怕，如果真的有一天很艰难，只是祷告，因为上帝没有死！我真的希望你们可以收养那些儿童，因为那些儿童需要你们的帮助。他们需要一个完美的家庭，他们需要快乐、和爱。我不知道你们会不会反对我，但是我知道没有人是完美的。

谢谢阅读。

                       张鹏旭

reflecting...

A little over a year ago we were in full on pursuit of our son. This was pre-knowledge that we were going to be in pursuit of two sons. :)

Lord, today I ask you to make our life a drink offering before you. Help us to daily pour our life out to you so we can be fully consumed by you. 

Blog post from our adoption journey, www.bringgaryhome.blogspot.com

FRIDAY, APRIL 12, 2013

All this pain...how is there joy?

“All this pain, I wonder if I’ll ever find my way, I wonder if my life could really change, at all?”-  These words from Gunger’s song “Beautiful things”, run through our heads and hearts at one time or another in our life…. Or maybe on a daily bases.  Am I ever going to find my way?  Can my life change, at all? Can all the pain, and hurt and unfairness that seems to just find it’s way upon me EVER change??

As I ponder these thoughts and the answer to these questions I cannot help but let my mind wonder to our Gary.  The feeling of being unwanted, the heart breaking story of his loss and abandonment by his parents, the hurt in being turned over to a welfare institute… And my heart aches to the thought of his grandparents. His grandparents, who love him dearly… Who do not have the means to even provide the most simplest of necessities to survive. But out of pure love and desire for their grandson signed him over with the hope that one day, one day before his 14^th birthday, he would be found… He would be wanted… he would be loved… he would be adopted…he would be a part of a forever family!

On Christmas day 2012, our family decided to follow a command and a calling at our hearts. We decided to host Gary…On February 2, 2013 as we saw Gary walking down the airport hall (we were in love, head over heels) He and Aaron embraced in the most amazing moments I have ever seen in my life.  At that moment of that simple hug, a hug, his life was changing and so was ours.  We tried so hard to not make any fast or hasty emotional decisions about adoption, and boy was that SO difficult!  But we were diligent in prayer and when I mean diligent I mean every waking moment an every breath breathed while Gary was here and even more before he arrived! But on March 8, 2013 our son left for China. He was leaving home and will be back again. He HAS been found, HE IS wanted, HE IS loved, HE IS being adopted before his 14^thbirthday, and HE IS a part of a forever family!! 
Oh, but it gets better…Gary not only is becoming a part of a forever family but 2 weeks after he was here, in America he surrendered his life to Christ and became a part of the forever family of God.

*On Wednesday, April 11, my mother and I drove to Mount Ulla, NC for her uncle’s funeral.   As I sat back and listened to this pastor of this small church, build in 1804, in a town of North Carolina that has not changed since 1804…. I was struck by the joy that was in this place.  I am not kidding, at a funeral, there was joy.  The pastor’s message was all of 10 minutes per my great uncle’s request and the pastor said zero about my great uncle…per his request but all about Christ. And that was just it…. The pastor speaking all about Christ spoke Loud and Clear all about my mom’s uncle!  Do you get that?  Oh, how I want my life to be lived in a way that all that is heard is Christ!  

Philippians 2:17 -“But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.”

Here is one of the most wonderful verses in the Word of God.  It pictures what the Christian life should look like.  Paul is referring to one of the earliest offerings in the Old Testament.  
The Drink offering/ Liquid offering- Genesis 35:14

“The nesekh represented the devotion of the fruits of man's work to G-d, because it was not a natural product, but something created through man's effort. A representative piece of the offering was burnt on the fire of the altar.” –Judaism 101  

NESEKH  Original Word: נָסַך Part of Speech: Verb Transliteration: nacak Phonetic Spelling: (naw-sak') Short Definition: cover I. נָסַךְ verb pour out

Why would this be significant to a Jewish believer/ Christian?

In the books Leviticus and Numbers the sacrifices are described.  WE learn that there was a drink offering and the meal offering.  It was never added to the sin offering or the trespass offering. It was a most unusual offering in that it had nothing to do with redemption; it had nothing to do with the person of Christ.  They would bring a skin of wine and just pour it on the sacrifice which was being consumed by fire.
What would happen to it????  
It would go up in steam and disappear!!! 

Hummmmm…Paul is saying, “I want my life to be poured out like a drink offering on the offering of Christ!” Paul knows that the Lord Jesus Christ made the supreme sacrifice. He wanted his life to be a drink offering-just poured out to go up in steam. He wanted to be so consumed and obscured that all that is seen is just Jesus Christ. He wanted Christ to receive all the honor and the glory. This was the mind of Paul. This needs to be the mind of us.

Little lamb seeks her Shepherd

Every parent who sends their child to school has that underlying fear of receiving that call one day that there was a shooting at your child's school.

Yesterday, was that day for us.  

Sometime in the afternoon, teachers heard shots close by, and the school went into lock down.  It turned out to be turkey hunters that were too close to the school.  So thankful that it was nothing more.

As I was discussing this situation with our children today, our fourth grader baby girl, told me that when the school was being locked down, most of the kids knew what was going on. But, unfortunately, the shootings that have made their way to us through the media have also made their way to our children's ears and cause them to fear.

She told me of a boy in her class that was very scared and just started saying the words, "Lord! Have mercy on us."

However, our sweet girl told us these words came to her mind:

"Don't worry about anything, just pray about everything...." Philippians 4:6-7

She told me how she remembered these words and how they had comforted her yesterday.  Psalms 119:11 says "to hide God's very words in our hearts."In moments such as this, the reason becomes blatantly evident.

It really comes to light that God never, ever, ever told us,  that he was going to keep us from danger.  As a matter of fact, he told us that he was sending us out as sheep among wolves.  That sounds more like sacrifice than protection.  But he did promise one thing.  He promised that in the midst of it all, of all the pain, of all the loss, of all the overwhelming sadness, and even school shootings, he would send the Comforter.  The comforter sustains us.

Move from fear into obedience.  Move from "have mercy on us" to "no worry, because you tell us not to worry."

And then trust him to show up!  He will!  It's usually right on time, never late, and rarely early, but he'll be there!

If God fails me this time, it will be the first time.  -George Mueller.

Spirit Lead Me...

Two weeks ago Jon and I were at an emotional and down right tough place as parents. When you are witnessing your child's lives transforming in front of you, it can seriously be the most amazing and beautiful thing in the world. But it also can be the most heart aching and painful thing to not only to witness but to be a parent at those times...a parent that is suppose to have all the right words and spoken at all the right times. Not to mention hug at the right times because if you try to hug at the "wrong" time all bets are off that any communication will be taking place. (Some of you may totally relate)

Those days of utter helplessness as a parent to any child (bio/adopted/fostered/neighbor kid) can be absolutely exhausting! So stinkin' exhausting! 

And on the flip side, being a child who is suffering pain from past experiences or pain from verbal abuse, can also be exhausting and down right frustrating! Especially when you just can't explain how you are feeling or why you are even upset, or why you are just so confused because you wonder "how could anyone love a person like me??" 

And then you hear your child ask the "mother of all" questions, "why would God allow me to go through all that hard stuff?"

"Oh Lord help me now!"

Sometimes as your child is suffering through all those questions that are an ongoing cycle through their little minds, their behavior is not at its best. Their behavior is an outward expression of the hurt and pain they are mentally trying to work out. 

As I take a step back and look at what is really going on I can see that the behavior is just a reflection of what is going on, on the inside.... 

But as a mom, when your in the midst of it all, at that moment when all is taking place you can forget that, and simply react to the behavior. When that happens it is a feeling of "mom fail", to say the least! 

I must remember a few things in those heat of the moment times..

"Connect before you correct" - Karyn Purvis

"Hurt people, hurt people" - PT (Pastor Terry Nelson)

Remembering those two little things really matters!! It changes your reaction into a response. And when you respond it can bring healing!

Best analogy I ever heard on those two little "R" words: 

When a doctor gives you medicine he wants your body to respond to the medication so your body can heal. He does not want your body to to have an allergic reaction to the medication.... So respond don't react.

This is not a cure all method but it does dramatically help in those moments that seem impossible. 

At this time, we are celebrating a small victory of two weeks of healing! Praises praises!!!

An outward sign that healing has begun:

On Sundays we do the 1st service then cruise on to the 2nd service or aka "big church".

Our older boys are like most teens and whine and complain about not wanting to stay for "big church" because it is boring and long...

Two weeks ago started a new trend and one I hope will always continue.

As I had mentioned before we were struggling in some tough moments and I was expecting to hear the typical question, "mom, do we have to stay?"

But to my surprise there was no resistance as we walked the hall towards the doors to big church. In fact the three olders were walking with two other boys from youth group... Alrighty then, I could get used to this. They sat with their friends and I sat behind them. 

As we came before The Lord in worship I noticed our love, who had, had a rough Friday and Saturday, speak something in Chinese to his brother and then take about three big step away from him.

I was singing and praising and the tears where welling up as the memories of what had conspired over the last few days where brought forth and laid before my Father. As I let go of all that I could not fix on my own, the burden of it all began to melt away in the awesome way God works. 

I opened my eyes to peak in on the behavior of the boys and what I saw will be forever burned into my memory. 

With both hands outstretched in full surrender was our son. Our son was letting go of his hurt, his fears, his self preserving control he tried so hard to hold onto. Tears streaming his face, words being sung loud and with a beautiful heavy accent. 

In 7 months of big church he had not once moved during worship, not once sang, not once cared. 

And now here I was standing witness to only what God can do. Only what the stirring of the Holy Spirit can produce.

And there I had a moment of my own with The Lord... Thank you, thank you my God who heals!

As the service ended and we all loaded in the car, before I could even say a word our sweet boy spoke up. "Mom, did you see that? Do you know what I told my brother?" I smiled and said, yes I saw the most beautiful picture of surrender and no, I have no clue what you spoke to your brother in Chinese.

His reply has such insight to his soul. I told him, "We are in America now.. It is ok to worship God, it is ok to dance, now move over and give me room!"

"When the Spirit of the Lord comes upon my heart 

I will dance like David danced 

When the Spirit of the Lord comes upon my heart

I will pray like David prayed

When the Spirit of the Lord comes upon my heart

I will sing like David sang"

Thank you LORD! OH the HEALING, OH the VICTORY!!

a cause???

In as much love as I have in me, I am willing to lose your friendship to find forever families for the 155,000,000 orphans that exists today.  Kids eating scraps off of the floor and living in their own feces, because no one wants them is my motivator.

The other day, someone referred to adoption as a "cause".  Please understand the subtlety of this statement. A cause is much easier to dismiss than a charge laid out for us by all mighty God. A cause, I can chose to dismiss.  Much like a buffet line, I can walk right on past and look for the next item.  However, time and time again we see that God's heart is adoption.  

If you are a believer, the only reason you are a believer is because he has adopted you.  

Do you see that?  

Saving the whales is a cause.  Standing at a street corner in a red hat with a tassel is a cause.

Reading scripture and finding that God's command to his people is to care for orphans is not a cause. It is a mandate.

I was in a room the other day when the topic of discussion turned to adoption. 

"We have our own plans", came one response.  

We have our own plans.  I, too long, have had my own plans.  I say that I serve God, but when comparing my life to Isaiah 1:17 and James 1:27 and Psalms 82:3, I fall short, and am shown as nothing more than nominal.  

At what point do our plans end, and God begins his beautiful work through us.  At what point do we end and He begins?

Ask yourself what God wants you to do about the orphans.  How does he want to display his work of redemption to others through adoption in your life?

New cars, expensive cars, bigger homes, nicer homes, and lavish vacations, expensive vacations is just not where it's at.  I cannot see God saying to me the day I stand before him,

"Jon!  You bought a great car, huge house, and had a lot of fun on all of those vacations.  Well done my good and faithful servant".

Kids are taking their last breathe right now as I type this.  Children all over have no idea what's for dinner tonight and no parents to ask.  Children are thrown away as trash tonight as I sit comfortably and watch by the sideline.

How wrong is that??  How wrong is that?? And I think I am okay??

Self has to die.  Not just get wounded, but die.  Christ must reign exclusively.  Life must change completely. 

Adopt.  You will not regret it.

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.