will you be 2nd or 3rd???

You are first, but will you be second? Or third?

Essentially, this is what we asked our oldest son when we adopted children older than him.  

We wanted to know his heart on the matter.  We sat down with him and discussed with him what we thought he might expect.  We weighed the good against the bad.  In the end, he had a picture in front of him showing him the cost of giving up the position of the oldest child.  It would be costly, but he chose to see the long term investment, and relinquished his position, to allow room for not just another, but others.

I was the oldest child of five and found myself very proud of my position in the family.  To be honest, I do not believe I would have relinquished my rights if faced with the same question my son is faced with now.

Jesus Christ, the only son of God, makes room at his table not for servants, but for his brothers and sisters.  
Aaron, our son, is of the same heart, and it is lovely!

What an acting out of selflessness.  What a picture of Christ.  I can read about Jesus and think of him historically, or I can watch Him in action from the front row seat of my life.  

So Aaron, I am not sure if you are aware of the impact of your selfless decision, but it has exemplified Christ, and I can think of nothing better.  I have never been prouder of you.  Proudly I say that you are our son and we love you.  

Know that Jesus is so much more than a Sunday school lesson or singing in church a certain way. He is more than a lifestyle or a way of life.  He himself is life and the only source of it.  Latch on son.  Give up all you are and surrender completely to Him.  Mark my words...you will have no regrets.  Live a life full of love, because so many people need it.  I love you with all I am.

With all the love that I have,
Your Dad

No reserves, no retreats, no regrets.  
-William Borden

in the morning

10:30pm, I told the kids. "Moooooom, but it is Friday night. Can we pleeeezzzz stay up till 11:00?"

Um, no. I am tired and that's when you're going to bed. Trust me I know you don't think you're tired but the way you guys are arguing with each other over the Wii, I can tell you're tired. 10:30pm is bed time.

As the time approached and I locked all the doors, turned off lights to head upstairs I get a text from one of our loves. 

It read, "mom, can I come in your room and talk when everyone is in bed?"

There are nights when a text like this just melts my heart like butter and I can't wait for one on one time with one of the kiddos.... But last night, was not one of those nights! I was tired and all I wanted was peanut M&M's, Tylenol PM, and a little McGuyver on Netflix.

So, with a reluctant spirit and sigh of "this is the life of a mom", I texted back, "yes". No smiley, no cute emoji with heart eyes like usual, just "yes". 

After the night time hustle and bustle of getting kids tucked in bed, prayers said, songs sung, glass of water gotten, another song sung, and yet again another glass of water. (Just saying, what is it with kids wanting water at night??? All day I have to force them to drink anything at all and then at night they just can't get enough!)

I go into my room after all is said and done, sit on my bed and wait. I wait, I pray selfishly to myself, I hope this is quick... and sure enough in walks the one of the cutest faces that has ever been created. With out a word I watch my sweet child slowly shuffle toward the bed and then plop face down on the bed. There are no words said, just a random sniffle ever so often.

And then I knew this was not going to be quick... 

To be fair sometime parents are clueless, at that moment I was as clueless as they come.

Anytime a child cries something snaps inside us moms, we must turn this frown upside down!!! 

My mind started searching for all the words of comfort I could think of, I was trying to remember all those "Bible verses for your hurting child"... and what were those words to remember in "Chicken soup for the teenage soul"??? 

Before any words poured out of my mouth I reached my hand out to rub my baby's back and then I saw it!

"Be Still"

Oh the words, "Be still"!!! Thank you my sweet Father for your goodness!! 

On my wrist was my mudlove bracelet; Be Still.

So for that moment my child and I sat in silence.  

My want for "me time" quickly left me and at that moment I wanted nothing more than this precious time with my precious child. 

Our moment lasted till 11:59. The little that was spoken were words that needed to be said, there were tears that needed to be cried, and it was a time for this mom to be still, and listen. 

Our Child was hurting and there was nothing I could do to "fix" it... That is such a tough place to be in when you feel completely helpless. 

That last words that were said Friday night was, "mom, I am tired. I know you are too. I'm going to bed now."

I kissed my baby goodnight and felt completely emotionally exhausted.

Psalm 30:5 "For his anger lasts only a moment,but his favor lasts a lifetime!Weeping may last through the night,but joy comes with the morning."

This morning in walked my love. I was unprepared for for the words spoken: "Mom, thank you. You gave me comfort. I love you forever."

Oh the JOY COMES WITH THE MORNING!!!

Lord, I am in awe of you! Thank you for keeping my mouth shut last night. Thank you for using the simple IN MY FACE reminder to BE STILL! YOU and You alone bring comfort and I love you forever!- Amen

daddy

"Thank you....Daddy"

We have five kids.  14 yrs old, 14 yrs old, 13 yrs old, 10 yrs old, and 6 yrs old.  The natural progression of our kids has been to go from "da" to "dada", to "daddy" and then finally to "dad".  You know what I'm talking about.  You probably even remember the time in your life when you kids went from daddy to dad.  The benchmark moment is bittersweet for any parent.  

But to hear "Thank you.....Daddy" from my eldest is something different.  You see, he is from China, and while it's possible the word is lost in translation, he has in fact called me "dad" before.  As a matter of fact, that is all he used to call me.  Unlike the natural drawing away from daddy to dad, he is drawing nearer from dad to daddy.  

I hope he never corrects it.

And so it is with our walk with God isn't it?  I wonder if He remembers when in our actions and in our hearts, we went from a needing him above all else, to more of a "I've got it from here" mentality.  Unknowingly, we go from an intimate "daddy" to just "dad".

Oh! We need that intimacy again.  We need to grow so much weaker so as to allow Him to grow so much a stronger through us.   We need that level of intimacy in our relationship.  To grow closer and weaker.  More dependent and needy.  Not follow the natural progression of finding stability and work to be self sustaining.

Erwin Lutzer said, "You become stronger only when you become weaker. When you surrender your will to God, you discover the resources to do what God requires.

Watchman Nee said, "God's means of delivering us from sin is not by making us stronger and stronger, but by making us weaker and weaker. That is surely rather a peculiar way of victory, you say; but it is the divine way. God sets us free from the dominion of sin, not by strengthening our old man but by crucifying him; not by helping him to do anything, but by removing him from the scene of action."

What's in your closet???

What are the joys of adopting older kids?  

I opened the closet the other day as I was laying hardwood floors in the boys room. As I moved around in the closet, I found my way to these pair of pants.  Hmmm....this isn't right.

And then it hit me that this too is one of the joys of adopting older children.  You are never going to find this in the closet of an infant or toddler.  

We take so much for granted.  How to use a toilet, how to use a fork, how to turn on the lights, and how to hang up our clothes.

These pants say so much though don't they?

They say, 

"I'm old enough to not ask for assistance with this, even though the outcome is so uncertain at this point!"

These pants say, "I'm a pretty smart kid, you know.  I learned so much already and I'm pretty...sure...they.....go....something....like..........This!"

These pants say,

"I'm thankful for what I have.  I'm certain they don't belong wadded up on the floor, so I'll just hang them up like a shirt."

Then there is the possibility I find most amusing, and definitely most probable.  A collaborative effort!  

I can just see two great minds working better than one to come up with this ingenious solution. 

Whatever was being contemplated as   these pants were being hung up is certainly left to speculation, but one thing is for sure.  Our loving father saw all of it.

God gets all the good seats, doesn't he?  Can you imagine Him as he was watching all of this, being so pleased with himself and His decision to put these two boys into their American family.  There may of even of been a chuckle, but we won't speculate any further :)

Matthew 7:11 really comes alive here:

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 

He has given us a home and a loving family.  He has given us the ability to serve and worship him.  He truly is so good.  He inspires awe.

the "this"

“OH, I see it!”, exclaimed one of our China loves… “the “this”, pointing to the sand, feels so good on my feet!”

I cannot even remember the first time I saw the ocean, or felt sand for the first time on my feet.  Being born in CT, but raised on the southern east coast, the beach was part of life.  I remember family reunion gatherings at a beach house and just spending hours in the sand and playing in the waves.

 

 

The laughing, the surprise of the waves crashing, the seagulls, the seashell treasures being found, and the awe of the pure beauty and expanse of the sea was almost too much to comprehend for two precious Asian grown 14 year olds.  Watching both explore the waters and figuring out what happens when you stand in one place in the wet sand and sort-of wiggle your feet so you get stuck brought happy tears to this Mama’s eyes. Learning how to build a sandcastle and dry sand just doesn’t work… Digging in the “not so dry sand” where you reach water… oh the joy and the shock! “MOM, why is my hole filling with water, WHY?? That’s so COOL!” As I watched their amazement, my heart melts!

March 8, 2013, was the day we watched Gary and Willy board a plane back to China not knowing how or what the future held.

March 8, 2014, was the day we watched Gary and Willy run out, in the dark, onto the ocean shores of Hilton Head, SC, knowing they are and forever will be our sons. We still don’t know what the future may bring in their lives but we do know they always will have this Mama and this Daddy.

Lord, Oh, what you can do in one year! Thank you for your direction and your guidance.  Thank you for how you can bring so much joy through your magnificent creation. Help us to live our lives to be moldable to your will and not ours.  We love you and praise you.- Amen

Genesis 1

New Living Translation (NLT)

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.^{[a] 2} The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters.

³ Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. ⁴ And God saw that the light was good. Then he separated the light from the darkness. ⁵ God called the light “day” and the darkness “night.”

And evening passed and morning came, marking the first day.

⁶ Then God said, “Let there be a space between the waters, to separate the waters of the heavens from the waters of the earth.” ⁷ And that is what happened. God made this space to separate the waters of the earth from the waters of the heavens. ⁸ God called the space “sky.”

And evening passed and morning came, marking the second day.

⁹ Then God said, “Let the waters beneath the sky flow together into one place, so dry ground may appear.” And that is what happened. ¹⁰ God called the dry ground “land” and the waters “seas.” And God saw that it was good. ¹¹ Then God said, “Let the land sprout with vegetation—every sort of seed-bearing plant, and trees that grow seed-bearing fruit. These seeds will then produce the kinds of plants and trees from which they came.” And that is what happened. ¹² The land produced vegetation—all sorts of seed-bearing plants, and trees with seed-bearing fruit. Their seeds produced plants and trees of the same kind. And God saw that it was good.

¹³ And evening passed and morning came, marking the third day.

¹⁴ Then God said, “Let lights appear in the sky to separate the day from the night. Let them be signs to mark the seasons, days, and years. ¹⁵ Let these lights in the sky shine down on the earth.” And that is what happened. ¹⁶ God made two great lights—the larger one to govern the day, and the smaller one to govern the night. He also made the stars. ¹⁷ God set these lights in the sky to light the earth, ¹⁸ to govern the day and night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good.

¹⁹ And evening passed and morning came, marking the fourth day.

²⁰ Then God said, “Let the waters swarm with fish and other life. Let the skies be filled with birds of every kind.” ²¹ So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that scurries and swarms in the water, and every sort of bird—each producing offspring of the same kind. And God saw that it was good. ²² Then God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply. Let the fish fill the seas, and let the birds multiply on the earth.”

²³ And evening passed and morning came, marking the fifth day.

²⁴ Then God said, “Let the earth produce every sort of animal, each producing offspring of the same kind—livestock, small animals that scurry along the ground, and wild animals.” And that is what happened. ²⁵ God made all sorts of wild animals, livestock, and small animals, each able to produce offspring of the same kind. And God saw that it was good.

²⁶ Then God said, “Let us make human beings^[b] in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”

²⁷ So God created human beings^[c] in his own image.
    In the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.

²⁸ Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”

²⁹ Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. ³⁰ And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened.

³¹ Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!

And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.

Six months strong

On March 28th this month marks SIX months that our boys have been home. I would ride this ride over and over again and never want to get off because life added with these two has just been flat out amazingness!

It hasn't been amazingness because it has been perfect... It has been amazingness because God placing them in our family was part of a perfect plan. Brokenness is starting to be healed and old wounds have been brought to light so that a mother and father's love can start to help their child find comfort in unconditional love and ultimate healing from their FATHER above. Because there are some pains and wounds that leave hurtful scars and "time does not heal all wounds"...

Oh, but  we have a promise that we can cling to:

Revelation 21:1-7 "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children. "

This is our promise we can share with sons. Our sons who have endured a lot in their first 13 years of life. A lot of hurt, loss, and sadness... A lot of tears that were not allowed to be shed. 

And now, as they are learning to trust and know that this mom and this dad are here to stay, that this mom

and this dad SO love them and SO wanted them. They are able now to release piece by piece the wall they had built and start to heal and place their hope in this promise made by our Everlasting Father!

These last six months have shown me more about who God is than I could have studied in a lifetime, no time spent in the word could give me a fuller understanding of God's love toward us than in these short six months. 

Dear awesome Father who is ever at work in my life. I pray that you will fill me and remove the "self" in my life that is so rebellious. I thank you, thank you for being able to be called "mom" by the five most precious beings created. I am so in love with each and every bit of them

And who they are and who they are becoming. I ask that you will make me patient, and help me to show grace as you have shown it to me. Help us as a family show love to others the way you show love. Make our hands your hands and our feet your feet. I ask that you will help us surrender daily to your will in our lives and help us to be so hungry for your Word. In your name- amen