number 8?? the journey continues...

When Jon and I started down the adoption road we knew that this was going to be a long road. Meaning that this was the designed path that God has us on right now and we are meant to stay on this road until the road closes.

We did not know when we were suppose to adopt again but knew we needed to keep our hearts open as the Lord leads. 

To be honest and real, "me, myself, and I", do not "want" anymore kids. It's not that I don't love kids, I do, but I don't have this gushy draw towards babies or yearning to "parent" every child I see. I am by no means a "natural" when it comes to being the "Suzy homemaker". I tried on that hat. For about four years maybe five, I did my best to cook like a boss and have the house cleaned looking like a magazine cover for "Better Homes and Gardens." I would make cakes and have themed birthdays and for the record this was all before Pinterest so I felt pretty darn creative as I would purchase all the cute stuff from "Birthday Express" and make a killer Wilton birthday cake! Pre Pinterest life was awesome! Pinterest started all these great ideas and also created all these wonderful coined phrases known as "Mom Fails" and "Nailed It". I love these, really... I truly laugh at these post with the tears streaming my face just like the little emoji! 😂

 

And I know this is a touchy topic for some, but I am putting it out there: I homeschooled my kids. I was following the advise of those around me and it about did me in. I would cry and cry over the stupid school work. I hated with a passion homeschooling! Of course there were days where I felt like queen of the universe as Aaron and Becca read a book or did their math correct but FOR THE LOVE....Short and simple- I am NOT a homeschool mom! (Great job all of you awesome homeschool parents! You simply rock and deserve amble date nights and coffee! Please don't try to convince me to join you again. I respect you, but I am not one of you.) 

I am just not that mom, I tried. The amount of stress it caused me and my family was ridiculous! I will claim the "Mom Fail" here and be proud of all those times I "nailed it". As for the present time and place I have "let it go". 

It does sound awful to say, I don't want anymore kids... But it's not always about me, and my wants and my desires. I tried doing things my way and it left me stressed, tired, and down right exhausted! As I aimed to please those around me, I lost focus on the God who loved me and created me for something different and nothing was going to bring me peace (peace as in scriptural, God spoken, spirit filled peace) until I did what God intended of me. My life, my purpose by His design. 

So this is where I find myself today:

At this moment I am sitting in bed, snuggled next to my "love muffin". I have had two cups of coffee, five kids have been sent off to school by bus and one driven to school this morning. Six out the door, out of the house, they were given nutritional substance of waffles, eggs, oatmeal, and a few grabbed a pack of fruit snacks as they headed out the door. The house is "straighten" to the point of, "I guess I won't be too embarrassed if someone stops by". Laundry has been going... well, let's just say laundry does not stop going, and I am enjoying the peace and quiet of this precious moment of life. As Jon will be leaving to work soon and not going to be back till the wee hours, I am just going to savor this time listening to him sleep. He, our provider, our rock, is resting and I could not be more thankful for him.

So, what's up with adoption if I am not wanting any more kids?? 

The road we are on as a family, is the road of surrendered-ness. We will follow as the Lord leads and right now He is leading us to the road of adoption, again. It's NOT about wanting more children, it is not about growing our family, for us it is about obeying what we have been called to do.

How do you know you have been called to adopt? Well, I cannot answer that for anyone else. But for us, we can explain it by saying this is our purpose. 

Our social worker once told us, "some families are just not able to handle all the noise and craziness that comes from having so many kids with so many different backgrounds and some are. You guys are. You don't sweat the small stuff. You just go with the flow." This is by no means giving us a kudos and pat on the back. This is saying, for us this is what we have been called to do. 

I am not the best mom in the world who can do every amazing DIY project, or the homeschool mom of 19 kids who can keep her "act" together.  I am not the gushy baby loving mom who losing it at the church nursery just because I need some sort of baby fix.

But, for this first time in my life I know what God created me for and that is to be a mom.

A mom who messes up everyday. A mom who gives tough love and sweet love. A mom who may not want more kids but knows that my "want" is not His desire for my life. His want and His plan and His desire is for me to not do it on my own strength and power but by His.

So when my eye are fixed on Him my "want" changes. And my heart melts as I see the broken and lost. I see the unwanted and neglected. The abandoned and abused... and I say "Yes". Yes, Lord I know we are only but one family but we say yes, because if it is only to a few or to many we will say yes. Yes, I will be a mom to more. Yes, we as our family, will be a family to more SO THAT they will become more than orphans and be orphans no more.

We are on the road of adoption and now that road has lead us to our son!! 

Our road to Kade has been incredible!!! We cannot wait to share this journey we are on! 

Currently we have been PreApproved by China, so in adoption lingo we can shout out, "we have our PA!" 

Please pray with us as we still have loads to do! 

So stinking excited about our little Allen who waits for us 12,000 miles away! He has no clue yet that we, his family, are doing all that we can to bring him home!! In love and smitten!! It's a BOY...again!! 😉

"Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives."- Galatians 5:25