Spirit Lead Me...

Two weeks ago Jon and I were at an emotional and down right tough place as parents. When you are witnessing your child's lives transforming in front of you, it can seriously be the most amazing and beautiful thing in the world. But it also can be the most heart aching and painful thing to not only to witness but to be a parent at those times...a parent that is suppose to have all the right words and spoken at all the right times. Not to mention hug at the right times because if you try to hug at the "wrong" time all bets are off that any communication will be taking place. (Some of you may totally relate)

Those days of utter helplessness as a parent to any child (bio/adopted/fostered/neighbor kid) can be absolutely exhausting! So stinkin' exhausting! 

And on the flip side, being a child who is suffering pain from past experiences or pain from verbal abuse, can also be exhausting and down right frustrating! Especially when you just can't explain how you are feeling or why you are even upset, or why you are just so confused because you wonder "how could anyone love a person like me??" 

And then you hear your child ask the "mother of all" questions, "why would God allow me to go through all that hard stuff?"

"Oh Lord help me now!"

Sometimes as your child is suffering through all those questions that are an ongoing cycle through their little minds, their behavior is not at its best. Their behavior is an outward expression of the hurt and pain they are mentally trying to work out. 

As I take a step back and look at what is really going on I can see that the behavior is just a reflection of what is going on, on the inside.... 

But as a mom, when your in the midst of it all, at that moment when all is taking place you can forget that, and simply react to the behavior. When that happens it is a feeling of "mom fail", to say the least! 

I must remember a few things in those heat of the moment times..

"Connect before you correct" - Karyn Purvis

"Hurt people, hurt people" - PT (Pastor Terry Nelson)

Remembering those two little things really matters!! It changes your reaction into a response. And when you respond it can bring healing!

Best analogy I ever heard on those two little "R" words: 

When a doctor gives you medicine he wants your body to respond to the medication so your body can heal. He does not want your body to to have an allergic reaction to the medication.... So respond don't react.

This is not a cure all method but it does dramatically help in those moments that seem impossible. 

At this time, we are celebrating a small victory of two weeks of healing! Praises praises!!!

An outward sign that healing has begun:

On Sundays we do the 1st service then cruise on to the 2nd service or aka "big church".

Our older boys are like most teens and whine and complain about not wanting to stay for "big church" because it is boring and long...

Two weeks ago started a new trend and one I hope will always continue.

As I had mentioned before we were struggling in some tough moments and I was expecting to hear the typical question, "mom, do we have to stay?"

But to my surprise there was no resistance as we walked the hall towards the doors to big church. In fact the three olders were walking with two other boys from youth group... Alrighty then, I could get used to this. They sat with their friends and I sat behind them. 

As we came before The Lord in worship I noticed our love, who had, had a rough Friday and Saturday, speak something in Chinese to his brother and then take about three big step away from him.

I was singing and praising and the tears where welling up as the memories of what had conspired over the last few days where brought forth and laid before my Father. As I let go of all that I could not fix on my own, the burden of it all began to melt away in the awesome way God works. 

I opened my eyes to peak in on the behavior of the boys and what I saw will be forever burned into my memory. 

With both hands outstretched in full surrender was our son. Our son was letting go of his hurt, his fears, his self preserving control he tried so hard to hold onto. Tears streaming his face, words being sung loud and with a beautiful heavy accent. 

In 7 months of big church he had not once moved during worship, not once sang, not once cared. 

And now here I was standing witness to only what God can do. Only what the stirring of the Holy Spirit can produce.

And there I had a moment of my own with The Lord... Thank you, thank you my God who heals!

As the service ended and we all loaded in the car, before I could even say a word our sweet boy spoke up. "Mom, did you see that? Do you know what I told my brother?" I smiled and said, yes I saw the most beautiful picture of surrender and no, I have no clue what you spoke to your brother in Chinese.

His reply has such insight to his soul. I told him, "We are in America now.. It is ok to worship God, it is ok to dance, now move over and give me room!"

"When the Spirit of the Lord comes upon my heart 

I will dance like David danced 

When the Spirit of the Lord comes upon my heart

I will pray like David prayed

When the Spirit of the Lord comes upon my heart

I will sing like David sang"

Thank you LORD! OH the HEALING, OH the VICTORY!!