picture birthday memory lane overload...

Oh my goodness!!! So this just happened today! Gary turned 15! I cannot believe how time is seriously flying by! 

What a journey we have been on over the last two years together!

Today, after I dropped him off at school I got all emotional. I started going back through the pictures on our FB group page we had set up when he first arrived in America for winter hosting. (Warning pic overload)

I went though the website and blog. (www.bringgaryhome.weebly.com)

I thought back to his first Birthday we celebrated with him... His FIRST birthday celebration! 

He had just turned 13 and I was taken back at how frail and small he was. He was so overcome by the Birthday and gifts and cake that he looked up at us with tear filled eyes and softly spoke with a beautiful heavy accent, "thank you". 

Then all the experiences of our first 5 weeks together was so incredibly precious that I still to this day can't get over! I will never forget his expressions of awe and the newness of so so many things we take for granted! 

He has taught me so much about life, about love and about gratitude without even speaking a word. 

His precious letters he wrote to us while we waited till we could bring him home! And we could only do that with the help of all of you! Thank you, thank you to all our friends and family who helped bring Gary Home! What a joy, what a journey, what a special birthday today is! 

My sweet Gao Mao Mao aka Garison Samuel Allen, Happy Happy Birthday my love! You have my heart and have since February 2, 2013. I love you to the moon and back and more! 

YouTube video:

http://youtu.be/GpMLRPJaQ_s

  

oh the questions...

Questions that make you go, Hummmmm....

Last week I was in a heated conversation with one of our China loves. We are both stubborn, we are both strong willed, and both not as patient as we should be! He was explaining his point of view on the current situation that had landed him in his room to "think about what he had done." This is my "go to form of correction" when I am about to lose it! 

It truly is not so much for the child but for this mama who is about to let her mouth boil over words that will eventually end up in regret and an apology from me to my child. This go to form of correction that keeps me in check and keeps the child in a "holding place" till I "get my mind right"(quote credit to J.W.) and can pray for patience and understanding....

It's been said many times before, "If you pray for patience God will put you in a position to practice it." 

Well, that's the position I was in last week....

As the conversation went on, this question was asked; "Mom, why don't you parent me like you parent __(child's name)___?" I asked what he meant. He said I am not as hard on him as I am on his brother. He said that when his brother does something like this he will get more in trouble..... Oh I just love the questions that come up that I have no idea how to answer quickly or easily! He and I were sitting on opposite ends of his bed in his room when he asked this. I was facing him and I just was sitting there for a moment when he asked me this, looking as clam and "wise" as possible as my mind was going a bazillions miles a minute begging God to give me an answer that makes me, the parent, not look like an idiot....again. 

Ok, game plan, stall a bit: answer the question with a question.

"Hummmm, I asked if he thought I was being too harsh on his brother?  He was quick to the draw and answered so fast and with one word... He said "no"."

Ugh, I need the wisdom of Solomon Lord, please! And then, "boom clap", God laid it on my heart.... 

Well my love, I began, it is because I expect more from your brother. He has been in our family (when Jon and I got married) since he was 3 and has been with me his entire life. I expect him to know certain things because he has had his entire life with me teaching him and parenting him. You are just now learning, over the past year and four months,  our family and what our "rules" are  and behaviors that are appropriate and not so appropriate. :)

Learning to be apart of a family takes time, especially a family who were just strangers to you 16 months ago.  

This was a well received answer and for the time satisfied my very inquisitive and smart boy! :)(Thank you Lord!) 

"In the greatest difficulties, in the heaviest trials, in the deepest poverty and necessities, He has never failed me; but because I was enabled by His grace to trust Him. He has always appeared for my help. I delight in speaking well of His name." -George Mueller

Sometimes people forget all that goes on with adoption... The sort of behind the scenes stuff.

Most times people just see a child who is being disobedient or mouthy or rude to their parent. But what they don't see or understand what is the root of it.... It's not because they are being "rebellious", or a "teenager".  It's because they are trying their best to grasp the concept of family, of one of the most taken advantage things in family... Trust. They are figuring out that they can trust this mom and this dad to not lead them into harms way but teach them and love them and show we are here to stay. They are having to tear down these ideas of how life worked based on their built up self preservation concepts of reality that they unknowingly had to have to survive their first 13 years of life. Letting go and being vulnerable can possibly lead to hurt, and putting trust into someone other than yourself means that could happen, it could mean getting hurt.... Or it could mean feeling true love for the first time. 

There are days when being a parent is hard, and parenting hurts the heart many times. But there is nothing more in this life that keeps me in check, especially when questions arise that can throw you for a loop.

But- It helps me to have a small understanding of who my Father is and how so many times I don't trust the way He is trying to lead me. That I argue and fight back because I "know best". I start to rely on my self preservation I built up before I knew my Father. I fight against trusting in His ways. I have to admit I have asked, "why don't you parent me like you parent that person over there??"...........and the answer, is because He knows what each of us needs.  He knows where we have been, He knows how to parent each and everyone one of His children because each and everyone is different. The most incredible thing about Him, is that He never changes, we do.

I will never have all the answers and Jon and I openly tell our children that, and they especially know we are far from perfect! We have some major parent fail moments! But, we are doing our best to point our children in the direction of the one who never fails and who is completely perfect.  

"Only let it be trust in God, not in man, not in circumstances, not in any of your own exertions, but real trust in God, and you will be helped in your various necessities... Not in circumstances, not in natural prospects, not in former donors, but solely in God. This is just that which brings the blessing. If we say we trust in Him, but in reality do not, then God, taking us at our word, lets us see that we do not really confide in Him; and hence failure arises. On the other hand, if our trust in the Lord is real, help will surely come." -George Mueller

helping Adam...

Last week I read about a boy named Adam. 

His pictures stole my heart. Adam, an orphan in China is waiting.

I wish adoption was easy, I wish I could say that it is all warm and fuzzy all the time and the child you adopted feels like he/she has always been your child. I wish  I could say that the child you adopt is going to love you immediately and fall into your arms the first time you meet and want to hold your hand and sing and dance and be over the moon excited about their new family.

But the truth is, it is not like that at all.

Adoption is hard... From the start you are constantly filling out paperwork and waiting for approvals and making appointments for fingerprints. Getting clearances from Fbi and your state. Waiting and waiting and then waiting some more for China to give you "PA's" and "article 5's" and "TA's"! It's long and frustrating.... and that's before you get your child... Then comes a whole other set of "adoption is hard" issues. 

BUT, and there is most certainly a BUT... It is worth it! It is worth every bit of energy you have put into getting your child home to see a smile. A smile, that may take a while, but then there it is. And it is real and it is not on a face of a stranger, it's not on the face of some child's picture 12,000 miles away.,.. It is on the face of your child. 

There is nothing in this world that can compare to it. The feeling is sareal. It is at those small moments that you know, they know and understand that they are safe, they are in a family, they are home. There is a connection that happens when they no longer see those crazy Americans that adopted them, but they see their mom and dad. And you know, they know, you are always going to be there.

Adam is waiting. He does not know what it is like to smile at his parents like that. He may never know the feeling of belonging. We have got to help! His family is out there! Please share this blog, get the word out! This boy is running out of time! He now only has 6 weeks left before he ages out at the young age of 14 years old! It is possible to get it done, an agency will work with you. 

Here is what another child who was adopted from the same group foster home speaks fondly of him as “a good brother” who “gets along well with others” and “is helpful to the ayis”. It was also observed that he tries to do the right thing and is very thoughtful and helpful. He goes above and beyond what is asked of him.

Here is a blog that shares a little more about Adam: https://asiawaitingchild.wordpress.com/2014/12/01/could-your-heart-be-open/

For more information please contact Erin Martin: erinmrtn@yahoo.com

Let's help find Adam his family! Please share this post via all social media you use!! 

thanksgiving day

Anyone who has met me knows right off that I haven't missed too many meals.  Come to think of it, I'm not sure I've ever missed any, and am certain I have had a few extra.

But we have a son in our house whose mouth will always bear the scars of having teeth rotted out from malnutrition.  Letters from his grandparents describing him going days without food also attest to the depravity.

These letters weren't written 100 year ago.  These teeth didn't rot out in a past lifetime.  This happened within the last ten years.  And not in a third world country either, but in a booming, industrial country.  This happened in China.

As our 59lbs,  thirteen year old son arrived in the US last year, we were quickly reminded that we have so much to be thankful for.  Yet, one of the things we most often forget about is being thankful for the opportunity to do something about it. 

It was awesome running a 5k this morning with my love and with an incredible group of people (Shout Out to our Firman Fitness Family!!) who care so much for others, knowing that out entry fee was canned goods to help feed hungry people.  

One of my favorite authors said,

"We ask God, 'why are so many people dying of starvation?'

He has more of a right to ask us why so many people are starving."

-Francis Chan

Happy Thanksgiving.  What an opportunity to make such a difference in the life of another.  I know someone who invested everything he had in me, and I'm worthless.

Imagine if that care, love, and compassion was played out through our lives into someone else.  The results would be life changing.  

There are so many more people starving in this world.  I know because I have been with them.  From the Sioux reservations in Montana, to the caves in Luoning, China, there are still hungry people that need our help.  What are we going to do about it?  

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

-Mahatma Ghandi

snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails...

What about a boy?

Sitting here checking out FB, I scroll through and see post after post on children waiting... Children waiting for a forever families. 

These are not babies, these are not children with a perfect bill of health.. Really, what child ever comes with a perfect bill of health??

Each child is born with a unique and perfectly designed special need. A special need that a uniquely perfectly designed family has been made for.

So what is that precious mixture of snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails???? 

B-O-Y-S

Did you know that at this moment there are boys (over 1200) that are just waiting for their family to find them. They are hoping that maybe "that American" that came and visited them in their orphanage in China will write up a clever post about them....And just maybe a family 12,000 miles away will see their picture taken by "this American". Maybe, just maybe, "they'll want me"...No, I am not a baby, I am not a little girl, and maybe I have a rap sheet of a medical file, but I would really love a family! 

Day by day passes and the dreaded number 14 keeps getting closer. 

I see so many posts advocating for these sweet boys. Older boys. Boys that want and need a family. 

(Boys like Joseph. video link here: http://youtu.be/_4GoJkhJWYY )

Those of you who know us, know we have a special place in a our hearts for older boys... It's not that we don't like girls, we do and we love our sweet daughter with all our hearts but Jon and I started to ask God to help us look beyond ourselves, look beyond our wants and desires and asked HIM to make our hearts like His. And when we did, our eyes were opened to a world we never knew existed.... The world of the unwanted older children. The world of the ignored child. The world of the waiting children. The world of the Chinese older boys... 

We are going to need help! We need all of your social media outlets, all of your connections, and all of your voices to reach out and make known the need for these precious older Chinese boys to be adopted! A lot more of our blog post are going to be advocating for different children that are waiting. It will be pleading to share post and just maybe if we can all become a unified voice, one by one (maybe even two by two ;) ) these children will be adopted and be found! 

We need to see an uprising of advocacy, a wave of voices educating about the need that is out there. So many people just don't know, I mean really know the insanity of the orphan crisis. Sure, they may think, "oh bless their hearts." But do they really know? 

We want to put faces and names out there in a way like never before!

Through our own personal stories we want to erase some of the fears that people have about adopting older children.... older boys. We want to be real and upfront.  Oh my goodness! there are HARD days... but isn't a child's life worth it? 

To really make a point I thought about adding a sound bite of Sarah McLachlan's "In the arms of the Angels", to really get the emotions flowing like the unwanted puppy and kitty commercials...

Do you think we could all be one voice and find these forgotten older boys some families?? If we can all jump on the band wagon and adopt an animal, can't we all open up our hearts to these children?? (And before I get hate mail about the animal comment, please know we have adopted our share of dogs and cats too!) :) 

But People Please, let's work together! Let's together help bring awareness to these older waiting boys in China!! And, you might just find a boy from China that you never knew was your son!! 

lockstep...

I was listening to David Platt today and he asked the question, "how does one know when God is calling them to do something?"

Platt went on to say that God normally doesn't roll back the clouds and with a big booming voice say, "Go there."

No, he normally doesn't use that route with us.  We think this method would be helpful but His method is so much better.  He uses the Holy Spirit to speak to us and through us.  He reveals to us in so many ways that He is "In This" and that He wants us "Here".

After hearing David Platt say this today, I have to admit some skepticism on my part.  Forgive me, but I am still learning and I would still like to bet that the rolling back the clouds method would be better for me.  

Selfishly though, the rolling back the clouds method also cuts me some slack.  If He does in fact roll back the clouds, call me by name, using even my defining middle name of Douglas, and command me to go "There" then sure, He probably wants me to obey.  

But then conveniently, if he doesn't roll back the clouds, then there must be a pretty good chance He wasn't talking to me.  I mean, come on....he didn't even say Jonathan Douglas Allen...so really, that command could have been meant for somebody else, or more probable, anybody else.

I write a lot.  And I'm not even a writer.  It is just an escape.  It's sort of a thinking out loud without the "out loud" part.  Most of my writing is fractured and segmented.  It's just bits and pieces.  

I have several hundred journal entries over the past several years where I have read scripture, read a book, or gone through an experience and wanted to make some sense of it by writing about it.

Today, precisely 484 days after it's entry, I found something I had written on May 7th, 2013.  This is the first time I have gone back and looked at this entry since I had written it on that Tuesday before Mother's Day, 2013.

Most of you know that we began adopting Gary in February of 2013 and it wasn't until Mother's Day, 2013, that we heard that Zhang Peng Xu (Willy), who was Gary's best friend, wasn't being adopted by the family that began to pursue him.  

So on Mother's Day, May 12th, 2013, we heard about Willy's situation and decided to pursue him. 

It just felt right.

....and here is why!!....

Remember what David Platt said.  The Holy Spirit is God's method of guiding and directing his servants.  

We had many confirmations on adopting Willy, but here is the proof in the pudding.

Here is the entry that I made on May 7, 2013...

"Who's supposed to be sleeping in that spare bedroom; who's supposed to be sitting in that extra back seat?

I have so much.  I am given much.  I too often mistake God's provisions through other people, to me, as being for my own comforts.  Quickly calling them necessities, I dismiss others provisions as mere status quo.

So I die tonight and I'm asked why "William's" seat remained empty or "Edgar's room was never slept in.  What do I say??? Knowing none of these names will only reveal that I didn't allow Jesus to serve THROUGH me.  What a frightening thought.  

So then is works the resolve?!?  Absolutely not!  Surrender is the key.  Give up...die...let go...

It reminds me of the phrase in a song, "life is waiting for those who lose control."

If all this finger printing for all the adoption paperwork has taught me anything, it's that it only works best when you give up fighting, and let the one who is supposed to be in control, be in control.  

Faith, as Paul saw it, was a living, flaming thing leading to surrender and obedience to the commandments of Christ.- AW Tozer"

May 7, 2013

Look at that name!!!  That beautiful name!!!  William!  There he is!

Days before we knew, He knew.  

He plans and directs.  He forms and creates.  He sets up cosmic meeting points in times such as this, and just waits in pure excitement for the day he has set aside for us to find it.  Does this not speak of His Love?  Does this not show off His passion for his servants?

He asks us to do one thing.  Surrender.  Surrender all that seems normal and obey.  

Walk in lockstep with the One who knows your every way.  He will never fail you.  He may lead you to the highest mountain, and he may lead you to certain death, but He will never fail you.  Trust in that.

Jonathan Edwards said, “Resolved, that I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.” 

That's not a bad plan. 

Oh!  And who in the world is Edgar???

God only knows....

This email, pictured below, we wrote updating the English teachers at the orphanage about where we were at in our adoption process for Gary... Check the DATE! We had NO clue at this point we would be adopting Willy!! 

And here it is.... The email we wrote in response to receiving an email about our William "Willy"... Check out the DATE! God knew all along Willy was our son!!

Spirit lead me where my faith is WITHOUT BOARDERS!!!! Wow!

More than orphans...

One of our sons was irritated the other day because we didn't go to his favorite neighborhood pool, but chose to go to his brother's favorite pool that is located in a different part of the neighborhood.  

How has it come to this?? 

How could this kid, who just last year, had never even swam in a pool, now have the ability to pick and chose what pool he wants to go to?

Taste and see that The Lord, He is good.

The kids have been wake boarding a lot lately. It has been a great sport for our kids to learn, and it turns out that they have a natural bent towards the sport.  

As I was snapping pictures the other day at Terminus Wake Park, I got a shot of one of our sons catching air off a ramp and I have not been able to shake the image since.  

Here is a child, who was once alone, depraved, who couldn't swim, went without food and clothes, and lived under a park bench in China for a short part of his life.  This very young man almost drowned one time chasing a crawfish into the water.  Almost died in a motorcycle accident.  Almost died falling through a roof.  But God had huge, HUGE, plans for this life.  He wasn't done with this life.  He wasn't done molding the clay.  So he formed, and spun, and shaped his life into what he is right now.  And the potter's wheel is still turning.  He is still being perfected.  The wheel has not stopped yet!!  Praises!

And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand.Isaiah 64:8

This present day, he is soaring off a ramp, strapped to a wake board, with the biggest smile and rush of excitement!

How can this be?  

How can a child so stuck, so alone, so without a chance, so out of time and out of luck, now be flying high at the wake park?

Galatians 3:27-4:9 tells us that once depraved, followers of Christ have now been adopted as sons.  Once we lived without hope.  We knew nothing but loneliness and desolation.  We knew life without pools and wake parks.  We knew limits, boundaries. 

Now, we know nothing short of being the sons and daughters of the king.  Our lives become limitless now as he gives according to His riches to us. Phil 4:19

All of us have been orphans.  Some are still orphans.  But God, has chosen adoption as the vehicle of his good news for us.  Adoption into His family means that no one can look at God and say, "so which ones are your kids and which ones are your adopted kids."  

No, adoption means that we were meant to be so much more than orphans.  We were meant to be so much more that adopted children.  We were meant to be the sons and daughters of God, period.

The old is passed away; all things become new.  2 Corinthians 5:17

This is adoption.  This is salvation.  This is redemption.  This is the very heart of God.