oh the questions...

Questions that make you go, Hummmmm....

Last week I was in a heated conversation with one of our China loves. We are both stubborn, we are both strong willed, and both not as patient as we should be! He was explaining his point of view on the current situation that had landed him in his room to "think about what he had done." This is my "go to form of correction" when I am about to lose it! 

It truly is not so much for the child but for this mama who is about to let her mouth boil over words that will eventually end up in regret and an apology from me to my child. This go to form of correction that keeps me in check and keeps the child in a "holding place" till I "get my mind right"(quote credit to J.W.) and can pray for patience and understanding....

It's been said many times before, "If you pray for patience God will put you in a position to practice it." 

Well, that's the position I was in last week....

As the conversation went on, this question was asked; "Mom, why don't you parent me like you parent __(child's name)___?" I asked what he meant. He said I am not as hard on him as I am on his brother. He said that when his brother does something like this he will get more in trouble..... Oh I just love the questions that come up that I have no idea how to answer quickly or easily! He and I were sitting on opposite ends of his bed in his room when he asked this. I was facing him and I just was sitting there for a moment when he asked me this, looking as clam and "wise" as possible as my mind was going a bazillions miles a minute begging God to give me an answer that makes me, the parent, not look like an idiot....again. 

Ok, game plan, stall a bit: answer the question with a question.

"Hummmm, I asked if he thought I was being too harsh on his brother?  He was quick to the draw and answered so fast and with one word... He said "no"."

Ugh, I need the wisdom of Solomon Lord, please! And then, "boom clap", God laid it on my heart.... 

Well my love, I began, it is because I expect more from your brother. He has been in our family (when Jon and I got married) since he was 3 and has been with me his entire life. I expect him to know certain things because he has had his entire life with me teaching him and parenting him. You are just now learning, over the past year and four months,  our family and what our "rules" are  and behaviors that are appropriate and not so appropriate. :)

Learning to be apart of a family takes time, especially a family who were just strangers to you 16 months ago.  

This was a well received answer and for the time satisfied my very inquisitive and smart boy! :)(Thank you Lord!) 

"In the greatest difficulties, in the heaviest trials, in the deepest poverty and necessities, He has never failed me; but because I was enabled by His grace to trust Him. He has always appeared for my help. I delight in speaking well of His name." -George Mueller

Sometimes people forget all that goes on with adoption... The sort of behind the scenes stuff.

Most times people just see a child who is being disobedient or mouthy or rude to their parent. But what they don't see or understand what is the root of it.... It's not because they are being "rebellious", or a "teenager".  It's because they are trying their best to grasp the concept of family, of one of the most taken advantage things in family... Trust. They are figuring out that they can trust this mom and this dad to not lead them into harms way but teach them and love them and show we are here to stay. They are having to tear down these ideas of how life worked based on their built up self preservation concepts of reality that they unknowingly had to have to survive their first 13 years of life. Letting go and being vulnerable can possibly lead to hurt, and putting trust into someone other than yourself means that could happen, it could mean getting hurt.... Or it could mean feeling true love for the first time. 

There are days when being a parent is hard, and parenting hurts the heart many times. But there is nothing more in this life that keeps me in check, especially when questions arise that can throw you for a loop.

But- It helps me to have a small understanding of who my Father is and how so many times I don't trust the way He is trying to lead me. That I argue and fight back because I "know best". I start to rely on my self preservation I built up before I knew my Father. I fight against trusting in His ways. I have to admit I have asked, "why don't you parent me like you parent that person over there??"...........and the answer, is because He knows what each of us needs.  He knows where we have been, He knows how to parent each and everyone one of His children because each and everyone is different. The most incredible thing about Him, is that He never changes, we do.

I will never have all the answers and Jon and I openly tell our children that, and they especially know we are far from perfect! We have some major parent fail moments! But, we are doing our best to point our children in the direction of the one who never fails and who is completely perfect.  

"Only let it be trust in God, not in man, not in circumstances, not in any of your own exertions, but real trust in God, and you will be helped in your various necessities... Not in circumstances, not in natural prospects, not in former donors, but solely in God. This is just that which brings the blessing. If we say we trust in Him, but in reality do not, then God, taking us at our word, lets us see that we do not really confide in Him; and hence failure arises. On the other hand, if our trust in the Lord is real, help will surely come." -George Mueller